IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to travel tolearn other countries, but others think that is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be obtained on TV and the internet.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Recently, many
people
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 have started travelling more than before for learning
new
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about new
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countries
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 and
expanding information
Wrong verb form
expand their knowledge
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 about cultures and traditions, and they think it is the best way for it.
While
Linking Words
 other
people
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 suppose that
people
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 can learn from
TV
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 to expand their
knowledge
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 about other
countries
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. In my view, travelling is a completely good way to learn about other regions. Generally,
people
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 love to travel abroad because it helps
to
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apply
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people
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 refresh their minds, overcome stress, and expand
knowledge
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. Communities learn about new customs,
civilizations
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civilisations
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, and heritage through seeing, touching, and feeling ancient buildings, towers, and caves. Through recent investigation, a person discovers new skills and
knowledge
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 40
percent
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per cent
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 faster when he watches and touches things that he is learning.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, citizens relax, watch breathtaking scenery, and
realize
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realise
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 that life is blooming and flourishing.
Otherwise
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,
people
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 ought to invest more in
traveling
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travelling
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 for tickets, booking a hotel, and purchasing products. Everything is priced.
Instead
Linking Words
 of spending money on a journey, they prefer obtaining information from
TV
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. A good reason would be that Kamano Hanokashi, who was born
in1970
Correct your spelling
in 1970
, broadened his
knowledge
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 by watching
TV
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, reading magazines, and books for 40 years in Japan. He knows the population, annual incomes, and average wages in more than 140
countries
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. I think he approved that
people
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 can learn about other
countries
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 without travelling. In conclusion,
people
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 can obtain information on
TV
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, books, and a variety of magazines about other areas, lifestyle, and society;
however
Linking Words
, travelling gives you an incredible emotion that you can feel by touching and seeing for yourself.

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task response
The idea is not clear and not built well. Add clear points for your view and the other view. Use one or two simple examples to back up each point. Make sure you answer the question directly.
coherence
Make a clear plan. Have an intro that says what you will talk about, body paragraph 1 for view A, body paragraph 2 for view B, and a short last paragraph with your own view. Use linking words to show how the paragraphs connect.
lexical
Use easy words only. Avoid long or new words. Keep to simple talk like many, people, travel, learn, culture.
grammar
Watch grammar and sentence length. Use short, direct sentences. Check subject and verb and comma use. Read aloud to feel if it sounds easy.
strength
The writer shows a clear view and tries to compare both sides.
strength
The essay tries to give a conclusion that agrees with travel.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • firsthand experience
  • authentic interactions
  • cultural immersion
  • personal growth
  • global mindset
  • tolerance
  • stereotypes
  • accessibility
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • online courses
  • environmental impact
  • tourism
  • invaluable insights
What to do next:
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