IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q2. Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate as to adolescents'
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 lives. Many people tend to think that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should focus more on the whole school curriculum,
while
Linking Words
 others opine that they should attach utmost importance to their interests. From my standpoint, the latter opinion is much more significant for
Use synonyms
students's
Check wording
students'
show examples
 development. I will dispute both perspectives and elaborate on my reasons for thinking so in the following essay. On the one hand, those who consider that
students
Use synonyms
 should place emphasis on studying all subjects argue that learning lots of information about
courcess
Correct your spelling
courses
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 paves the way for
Use synonyms
teenagers's
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
 future careers.
This
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 is because competent employees should be equipped with specific knowledge, namely biology
,
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apply
show examples
 and
mathematics
Punctuation problem
mathematics,
show examples
 to name but a few.
As a result
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, if
students
Use synonyms
 were not interested in
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 curriculum, they would not have high-quality occupations.
On the other hand
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, people who tend to believe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should allocate more time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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 argue that
this
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 not only boosts
students
Use synonyms
' mental health, but
also
Linking Words
 brings successful achievements.
For instance
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, if
students
Use synonyms
 are willing to spend more time on fine arts,
this
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 situation helps them express their emotions and strengthens their mental well-being.
Moreover
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,
Correct article usage
an interesting
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interest
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 in hobbies can become a source of livelihood, which gives
students
Use synonyms
 an opportunity to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 occupations. In conclusion, there is no doubt that education plays a central role in shaping
teenagers
Use synonyms
' development.
Although
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 there are some benefits of paying more attention to compulsory lessons in order to be skilled workers, I would argue that spending more time on interests is of paramount importance, which may result in healthier
teenagers
Use synonyms
 and a source of income.

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content
Explain each idea with clear reasons and simple examples.
structure
Put a clear sentence at the start of each paragraph and use easy links to the next idea.
language
Fix mistakes in grammar and spelling to make the text easy to read.
language
Use a wider range of simple words and not repeat same phrases.
content
Give more exact details to back up points.
overall
The writer states a clear view and takes a stand.
content
Two views are shown and the task is set to discuss them.
evidence
An example about art is used to show a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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