IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think the professional sportsmen/sportswomen's behaviors on or off the field are not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

Many
people
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 think the professional sportsmen/sportswomen’s behaviours on or off the field are not important as long as they are good players. Most individuals think that professional athletes’ behaviours do not play any role as long as they are good players. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and
finally
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 conclude.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 think that
behaviour
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 does not matter at all if a person plays well.
People
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 believe they know athletes only through their games, so they prefer to watch their performances rather than focus on their lifestyles.
Moreover
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, everyone has a different perspective; if someone likes a celebrity’s current
behaviour
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, another person may not. As mentioned in an ANC newspaper, the reality of famous personalities is often very different from what is shown on TV.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 make athletes their idols. They research everything about them and try to implement the same things in their own lives.
For instance
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, Virat Kohli owns many properties, and many
people
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 consider him a hero and want to achieve the same success.
In addition
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, if good players
also
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 have good
behaviour
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, they can motivate the public, as many
people
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 watch them internationally.
To conclude
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, I would say an athlete’s
behaviour
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 matters because they are role models for others. They can teach important values
such
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 as sharing, teamwork, punctuality, and so on.

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task
Your answer is on topic and you state a view at the end. Try to be more clear on how much you agree, using a clear line in the conclusion.
coherence
Make the flow clear. Put one main idea in each paragraph and use simple links to move from one idea to the next.
task
Add more simple facts or examples that fit each point. This will make your argument stronger.
strength
You give a view at the end and keep to the topic.
strength
The essay has a plan and uses some links to move ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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