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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

This
Linking Words
 line graph compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by two different genders (
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
) during
four
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
years
Use the right word
four-year
show examples
 period of time,
started
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from 2011 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 experienced
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend during these years.
Use synonyms
women
Fix capitalization
Women
show examples
 read the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 in 2013 and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
submited
Correct your spelling
submitted
 in 2011. Regarding
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
men
Check wording
men's
show examples
 line graph,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 it showed that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
men
Use synonyms
 increased
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 during
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period of time. From 2011 to
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lower than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. It began with 3000
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 2011
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it overtook the
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 graph in 2013 at 10000.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 read by
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for 14000 in 2014. For
women
Use synonyms
, it began with 5000
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 in 2011
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it showed
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 fall in 2014 to 7000 before reaching the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in 2013. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2013, it showed that the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
women
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 10000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 9 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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