IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent years, there has been a growing interest in animals in modern life.
However
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, some individuals contend that
captivity
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 causes drawbacks for animals, but others are against the idea. In my view, I firmly believe that
captivity
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 should be prioritised as an essential sector, like zoos. These sectors have a more immediate and meaningful impact on citizens' well-being.
Captivity
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 is terrible for animals because there are several negative factors.The main factor is that some administrations are interested in profits only
instead
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 of entertainment. To illustrate, several studies indicated that if people pay $10, they can see the animal on screen.
Moreover
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, a study at the University of Nizwa found that approximately 30% of wildlife that live in the forest cannot adapt to a zoo.
Thus
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,
this
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 practice contributes to the death of the creatures.
In contrast
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, some individuals support
this
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 phenomenon and sign to protect creatures by building a suitable area which can adapt.
Additionally
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,
this
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 situation can assist wildlife in improving healthcare and food.
For instance
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, in Germany, the government has dramatically increased zoos by more than 50% annually. Another reason is that learning children about nature and how they can deal with it.
Therefore
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, the profits are not limited to residents but
also
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 to society. In conclusion,
captivity
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 is an essential way for future lifestyle, if the goals are protected and learning them.
That is
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 why the government should make strict rules and encourage its citizens to visit these areas. From my perspective, the
captivity
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 can build a brighter and more sustainable future and thank you for reading my writing

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task response
Make your view clear from the start and end with a strong, clear conclusion. The essay should discuss both sides but show your own view clearly in the end.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and then add simple ideas or facts to support it. Use linking words to flow from one idea to the next.
language
Fix grammar and word use. Some phrases are wrong or odd. Use simple tense and simple sentence forms to avoid errors.
evidence
Give real, easy examples that fit the point you make. Do not use facts that seem wrong or unclear.
structure
Keep paragraphs balanced in length. Avoid long run-on sentences and very short sentences mix well.
content
There are efforts to discuss both sides of the issue.
content
The essay shows some good ideas and examples.
language
Some linking and flow between ideas is used.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
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