IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Several individuals argue that
animals
Use synonyms
 should be free in the wild and not put in
cages
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others think that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in restrained areas could offer advantages for both humans and
animals
Use synonyms
. I believe that putting
animals
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 in
cages
Use synonyms
 is negative and harmful, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my answer and each side of the debate. Holding
animals
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 in
cages
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 harms them both physically and mentally.
Firstly
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,
animals
Use synonyms
 put in an environment
that is
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 not suited for them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
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noisy
Punctuation problem
noisy,
show examples
 may result in
animals
Use synonyms
 suffering from stress and anxiety and behaving abnormally.
Secondly
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, the restricted space in
animals
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'
cages
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 stops them from exercising and moving, which may lead to obesity and foot problems.
On the other hand
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, zoos help people learn better about
animals
Use synonyms
,
for example
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, by giving information about their behaviour and ecosystem.
Also
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, some
palces
Correct your spelling
places
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a
cruial
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crucial
 role in saving
animls
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animals
 from extinction
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
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 by putting them in
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 sanctuaries and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them breed. The reason why I believe that
this
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 trend is negative and harmful for
animals
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 is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the owners of zoos view the zoo as a profit source and bring
animals
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not belong in small areas. For
intsance
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instance
, lions rely
heaviely
Correct your spelling
heavily
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 prey hunting with their group,
spreating
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separating
 from their group may cause them
starvtion
Correct your spelling
starvation
 and injuries.
Also
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, there are
sheep
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; I once went to a farm where there was a baby
sheep
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 in
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 cage alone, which was wrong since
sheep
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 depend on their flock, and
sheep
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are raised without their mothers cause distress.
To conclude
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,
although
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 zoos may be a good place to learn from
animals
Use synonyms
, merchants and some zoo workers treat them wrongly and do not provide their needs.

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Task Response
Answer the task in a clear plan. show both sides with a clear view of your own position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make a plan before writing next time: intro, body for each side, and a clear conclusion. Use linking words to show order.
Linguistic
Use correct spell and grammar. Check words and form to avoid mistakes.
Strength
You show a clear view about the topic.
Strength
You show both sides in the essay.
Strength
You use small real life examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
What to do next:
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