IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in the museums. Nowadays information is freely available on the internet so there is no need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the advancements in technology, many
people
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 who are interested in
culture
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 and
history
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 use the
internet
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 to look up information.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, some argue that traditional
museums
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 have become obsolete. In my view, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Nowadays, the
internet
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 has become widely accessible. It enables
storage
Correct article usage
the storage
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 of
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 amount of information at a very low cost.
People
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 can look up almost any information on the
internet
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 at
anytime
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any time
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 to learn about
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history
Correct article usage
the history
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 and
culture
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 of different countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
high quality
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high-quality
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 digital images of many famous paintings, statues, and
artifects
Correct your spelling
artefacts
 are readily
avaiable
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available
 on the
internet
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 to all
people
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 across the world without needing to travel. The major advantage the
internet
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 has over traditional
museums
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 is convenience.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
museums
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has
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have
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 several vital roles that can never be replaced by the
internet
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
museums
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 are popular tourist attractions that draw in many visitors each year. These visitors are crucial to the tourist industry and help to support the local economy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, seeing the digital images of paintings and artefacts is not the same as looking at the physical items. Some fine details cannot be shown clearly on a screen
,
Punctuation problem
;
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thus
Linking Words
, in order to fully appreciate them, a physical trip to the museum is necessary.
Finally
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, many of these items require ongoing care to ensure they stay in good
conditions
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condition
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. Donations raised and entrance fees received by
museums
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 can be spent
to hire
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on hiring
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 professionals to help with the upkeep of these valuable artefacts.
Museums
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 are central to the preservation of
culture
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 and
history
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. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 the
internet
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 is a very convenient tool for
people
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 to start learning about
history
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 and
culture
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, visiting
museums
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 to look at the physical artefacts provides
Correct article usage
an experiences
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 of a different level of depth. They are
also
Linking Words
 vital to the economy and the physical upkeep of valuable historic items. In my opinion,
museums
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 are essential
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they cannot be replaced by the
internet
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
Use more simple link words to show flow. For example: 'First', 'Also', 'But', 'For example'.
grammar
Split long sentences into short ones so ideas stay clear.
lexical
Check spellings and wrong forms like 'artefacts' or 'available' to keep right form.
content
Add a clear example of a museum to show why it still matters.
content
Clear view that museums still matter, and internet helps but not replace.
structure
Clear order of ideas and simple paragraphing.
content
Uses facts like money from tickets to help care.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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