IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart displays
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the percentage of weekly income expenses of families in one country between 1968 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of all sectors varied across
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
.
Through
Change preposition
Over
show examples
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
, most of the
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 spent more money on
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and leisure, the household
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable,
while
Linking Words
 food, fuel, clothing and personal needs decreased
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details, food
begin
Correct subject-verb agreement
begins
show examples
 at 35% and
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately 18%.
This
Linking Words
 sector has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant gap compared to others.
Similiar
Use the right word
Similar
show examples
 trends have shown in fuel, clothing and footware
also
Linking Words
 personal goods. These sectors decline across the
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of transport, housing and
leisure
Punctuation problem
leisure,
show examples
 the trends
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rose
as
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the high demand in these sectors. The largest weekly income families spent on was recorded in leisure.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the smallest was recorded by fuel
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
. Unlike the other terms, household
exhibited
Verb problem
expenditure showed
show examples
Correct article usage
a steadily
show examples
steadily
Replace the word
steady
show examples
 amount of families spent on.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure patterns
  • proportion
  • weekly income
  • accounted for
  • total expenditure
  • housing and utility expenses
  • transportation costs
  • other expenses
  • education
  • healthcare
  • leisure activities
  • spending patterns
  • witnessed a considerable rise
  • experienced a substantial increase
  • allocating a larger proportion
  • reducing their expenditure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: