IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the goverment, while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In recent years, there has been increasing debate over whether public
health
Use synonyms
 should be primarily the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 or
individuals
Use synonyms
 themselves.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 holds the central role in maintaining public
health
Use synonyms
, some believe that
individuals
Use synonyms
 carry greater weight for their own
wellbeings
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
. From my perspective, even though
this
Linking Words
 concern largely depends on
individuals
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 plays a leading role in
this
Linking Words
 issue. On the one hand, those who believe
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 are responsible for public
health
Use synonyms
 argue that only
Correct article usage
the goevernment
show examples
goevernment
Correct your spelling
government
 has
resources
Correct article usage
the resources
show examples
 and authority to
install
Verb problem
implement
show examples
 large-scale
health
Use synonyms
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can provide affordable
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services, regulate food and drug safety, and promote public
health
Use synonyms
 campaigns. These measures help ensure equal access to
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and protect vulnerable groups who may
otherwise
Linking Words
 be unable to take care of their personal
wellbeings
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those in support of
individuals
Use synonyms
' accountability in managing their own
health
Use synonyms
 state that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 should be more cautious with their life choices that indirectly affect their physical wellness. Decisions related to diet, exercise, and substance
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 are largely personal, and
individuals
Use synonyms
 who adopt a healthy lifestyle are at a lower risk of developing illness. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, personal reliability encourages self-sustaining societies and reduces the burden on
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 system. In my view,
while
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
 play a crucial
contribution
Check wording
role
show examples
 in personal
health
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be more accountable in improving
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 sector.
This
Linking Words
 is because
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system, disease prevention and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 education need long-term coordination and strategic planning. Without
government
Use synonyms
 involvement, low-income communities may face difficulties in accessing proper
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services. In conclusion, both
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 and
individuals
Use synonyms
 are liable for creating a healthier general
wellbeings
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 among societies.
While
Linking Words
 personal responsibility influences everyday
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes, I believe that governments should take the leading
duty
Check wording
role
show examples
 in ensuring fair access to
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and long-term public wellbeing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Start with a clear view in the first sentence and end with a clear summary. Give 2 main reasons.
coherence cohesion
Use one idea per paragraph and link ideas with easy words like also, but, however.
lexical
Check spelling and word choice. Use simple common words. Avoid hard words and long forms.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point. Give one clear example for each point.
grammar
Watch grammar. Use correct verb forms and keep subject and verb in line.
strength
The essay shows both sides and a view.
strength
Clear use of on the one hand and on the other hand.
strength
Conclusion states the writer's view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • public health campaigns
  • regulatory measures
  • vaccination programs
  • health crises
  • proactive steps
  • lifestyle choices
  • personal hygiene
  • financial burden
  • neglect
  • collaboration
  • mutual accountability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: