Do you agree or disagree that improvements in technology reduce the role of the Olympic Games?

It is often argued that improvements in
technology
Use synonyms
have reduced the importance of the
Olympic
Use synonyms
Games
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
view because
although
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
has decreased people’s physical participation in
sports
Use synonyms
, it has
also
Linking Words
helped to promote and improve athletic performance. On the one hand, excessive use of
technology
Use synonyms
has reduced people’s interest in physical
sports
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, many individuals prefer spending time on smartphones, playing online
games
Use synonyms
, or watching digital entertainment
instead
Linking Words
of engaging in outdoor activities.
This
Linking Words
sedentary lifestyle discourages people from participating in
sports
Use synonyms
and attending live sporting events
such
Linking Words
as the
Olympic
Use synonyms
Games
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lack of physical activity has led to various health problems, including obesity and stress, which
further
Linking Words
reduces enthusiasm for
sports
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
plays a significant role in enhancing the
Olympic
Use synonyms
Games
Use synonyms
. Athletes use advanced
technology
Use synonyms
to
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
performance, learn new techniques, and improve training methods.
Additionally
Linking Words
, live streaming, social media, and online platforms allow millions of people around the world to watch the Olympics, increasing its global reach.
Technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
provides athletes with opportunities to showcase their talent and gain international recognition. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
has reduced direct participation in
sports
Use synonyms
, it has
also
Linking Words
strengthened the
Olympic
Use synonyms
Games
Use synonyms
by improving performance and increasing worldwide popularity.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
should be used wisely to support rather than replace physical
sports
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Add more detail to each idea with small facts or notes to show depth.
structure
Make each idea sit in its own part and link well to the next part.
grammar
Check for small grammar slips and clean up the long sentences.
content
The essay shows a clear view that tech can both harm and help the Games.
structure
Good use of contrast links like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: