IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate as to the school curriculum. Many people tend to think that all competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 should not be included in the school curriculum. I totally
dispute
Verb problem
disagree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 from my standpoint,
to engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
show examples
 in competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 plays a central role in shaping pupils' development. I will elaborate on my reasons for thinking so in the following essay.  We cannot deny that there is a danger of competitive activities, namely
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
leading to arguments among pupils.
This
Linking Words
 is because
students
Use synonyms
 may feel stressed and overwhelmed
while
Linking Words
 in competitions, and these situations stimulate their
hormones
Fix the agreement mistake
hormone
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 levels, like adrenaline
, these
Punctuation problem
. These
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 hormones give rise to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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tentions
Correct your spelling
tension
 among
students
Use synonyms
,
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
 can result in
fight
Fix the agreement mistake
fights
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I opine that
this
Linking Words
 risk can be inhibited by teachers or parents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 many advantages for
students
Use synonyms
' future business lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
students
Use synonyms
 join
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
competitive
sports
Use synonyms
, their cognitive abilities and brain functions will be improved. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 may find themselves in a challenge, and in order to handle it, they might need to develop their problem-solving
skills
Check wording
apply
show examples
and management skills, to name but a few.
As a result
Linking Words
, facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
these issues at
theirealry
Correct word choice
their real
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 ages in the schools, paving the way for them to become more strong and mature people. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a drawback of engaging in competitions,
such
Linking Words
 as causing
to fight
Verb problem
fights
show examples
 in schools, I strongly advocate
schools
Correct word choice
that schools
show examples
 should attach utmost importance to including competitive activities in their
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
 for graduating competent workers in the future.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Use four simple parts: intro, two ideas, and a short end.
language
Check word use and fix big mistakes. Shorten long sentences and use common words.
content
Add one or two clear examples from school life to back your points.
tone
You show a clear view and you say why sport in school is good.
content
Your idea on how sport can help mind and work life is seen.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sports
  • team
  • school
  • curriculum
  • build
  • skills
  • friendship
  • social
  • goals
  • hard
  • healthy
  • reduce
  • stress
  • competition
  • improve
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
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