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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The increasing public interest in social
media
Use synonyms
 is rapidly reducing physical
meetings
Use synonyms
 among individuals. My opinion is that
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 development promotes social isolation or sedentary living, its drawbacks are typically outweighed by the logistical benefits. Virtual
meetings
Use synonyms
importantly
Replace the word
significantly
show examples
 lower travel expenses and accommodate those with busy schedules. These ideas are
further
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 developed in the essay below. There are many advantages of social
media
Use synonyms
 interactions. First and foremost, there is a reduction in spending associated with travelling to meet with other
people
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.
This
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 is especially beneficial for
people
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 separated by large geographical distances,
such
Linking Words
 as migrants living abroad, who must spend large sums of money in order to reach other destinations.
For example
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, Facebook and WhatsApp are considered to be cheaper communication platforms for everyday transnational conversations. With
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 financial implications, migrants can now sneak
peek
Correct article usage
a peek
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 into their families' lives by simply following ongoing chats or participating in live calls.
Secondly
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, the convenience provided by social
media
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 cannot be overstated, especially
how
Change preposition
in how
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 it allows
people
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 to efficiently multitask. Today,
people
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 can participate in social conversations online
while
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also
Linking Words
 successfully pursuing other important work or social functions.
For instance
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, some individuals participate in live social
media
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 calls
while
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 shopping, cooking, cleaning, eating or performing any other task. The functions in these platforms
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as videos, voice notes, and
cameras
Punctuation problem
cameras,
show examples
 enhance the experience.
On the other hand
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, the main disadvantage of not meeting physically is that it increases the time
people
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 spend in isolation, culminating in physical and mental challenges.
For instance
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, there have been reports of
people
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 suffering from anxiety and obesity
due to
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 the lack of physical exercise and socialisation, and the consumption of junk or fast foods ordered online.
While
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 the foregoing is concerning, talking to family and friends online and investing in home-friendly gym equipment can suffice to eradicate some of these challenges. In conclusion,
while
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 the turn to social
media
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 is leading to major drawbacks,
such
Linking Words
 as loneliness, I argue that these do not match the advantages derived from online
meetings
Use synonyms
. Virtual
meetings
Use synonyms
 are logistically convenient, reducing travel costs and allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to multitask.

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development
Your view is clear and you link ideas with good connectors, but some points are not well explained. Add more clear proof or steps for each idea.
grammar
Sentences can be long and hard to read. Break long lines into shorter ones for clear sense.
lexical
Fix word choice that is not right in use, e.g. 'sneak peek' and some tricky phrases. Use simpler, exact phrases.
structure
Make the end stronger by restating your view and giving a quick summary of the main points.
content
Clear view that advantages may beat a downside.
style
Good use of linking words to show order (First, Secondly, On the other hand).
structure
Paragraphs show distinct ideas on benefits and drawbacks.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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