IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that international news should study as a subject in secondary school (High School). However,others say that it will be a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Students
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study
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 many
subjects
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 in the
schools.No
Correct your spelling
schools
 one can deny that studying these
subjects
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very necessary for them.Some
people
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 think that some
subjects
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 aren'
t
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 important to
study
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.
This
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 essay will examine why international
news
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 should be studied as a subject in high school and why we shouldn'
t
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 put it as a subject. On the one hand, many
people
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 think that international
news
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 must be studied as a subject in secondary school.First,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 helps the
students
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 to know about their
country
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's
news
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.A 2022
study
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 in Germany found that fifty
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of
students
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 like to gain more information about international
news
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
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 who
are knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 about the
news
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be more aware
about
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of
show examples
 their
country
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's situation.Second,they will be more intelligent
students
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.There are many
students
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have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 huge interests
about
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in
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 international studies.
Finally
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,they will do their best to make their
country
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 the first in all majors.When
students
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study
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about
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apply
show examples
international
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news
Punctuation problem
news,
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 they will have the determination to make their
country
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 the best in
world
Correct article usage
the world
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.In my opinion,studying international
news
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 several benefits for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some
people
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 think that studying international
news
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 will be a waste of time.
Firstly
Linking Words
,it will be difficult for the
students
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 to understand the
subjects
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.Some of them don'
t
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 like to be focused on
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they want to live their life without thinking about international
news
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.Next,
may be
Use the right word
maybe
show examples
 it will affect
students
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 in
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 way.They will be overthinking about
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,some
people
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 won'
t
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 use it in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 it will be a waste of time to
study
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 it.
In addition
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, studying it without understanding the
subjects
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 won'
t
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 be useful for them.I think it may cause
quarrel
Correct article usage
a quarrel
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 between different
students
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. In conclusion,studying international
news
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 in schools has many great advantages for
students
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,sometimes
people
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 think it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
waste of time to
study
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 it at school.In my opinion,it depends on the
students
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if
Change preposition
whether
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 they want to
study
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 it in schools or not. ‫‬

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grammar
Fix grammar and sentence flow. Check subject-verb use and punctuation in each sentence.
coherence
Make the essay feel tight. Use clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a small link to the next.
task response
Be sure to give a clear view in the first paragraph and repeat it in the end. Add more strong reasons and use real examples to back them up.
lexical resource
Use easy words for ideas. Avoid hard words that are not needed. Make sure word choice fits the meaning.
structure
Balance the two sides more. Do not say big claims about all students. Check your facts and make sure your examples fit.
content
The writer tries to cover both sides.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence
In many parts, the writer uses simple linking words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
coherence
Ideas can be followed with little trouble.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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