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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below provide information about the number of employees and factories in England and wales from 1851 to 1901

The table gives detailed data about the sector of production in the UK between the years 1851 and 1901.
Overall
Linking Words
, there has been a drastic decrease in the
number
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 of both male and female
employees
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. Meanwhile, the
number
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 of
factories
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 increased
noticably
Correct your spelling
noticeably
 in the 50
year-range
Use the right word
range
show examples
. During the timeframe, the
number
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 of
employees
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 declined radically. In 1851, there were 287,100 male
employees
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of female
employees
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 up to 190,000. 10 years later,
while
Linking Words
 there was a slight
reduce
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reduction
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 in female
employees
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 (reaching 160,000
employees
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), the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of male
employees
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 went down
about
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to about
show examples
 150,000. We can see a more drastic change in female
employees
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 in the year 1861, where they dropped exactly 100,000
employees
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. After that, both male and female
employees
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 showed a more steady fall until the year 1901
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 31,000 and 30,000 respectively. More generally, the
number
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 of
employees
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 in total was almost 480,000 at the start and went down to 61,000 by the end of the period.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
emloyees
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employees
 in England and Wales decreased as time went by, we can't say the same for the
amount
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number
show examples
 of
factories
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. There was a jump between the years 1851 and 1901. Began with 225
factories
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 and almost tripled in
number
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reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 600
factories
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at the end
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, employees, factories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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