IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods in the UK.

The
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the amount of information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fast foods in England.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
graph
Use synonyms
interpret
Correct subject-verb agreement
interprets
show examples
 the changes and improvements between two different places in the UK.
However
Linking Words
, some of these constructions remained the same,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 the main road.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the bottom left of the diagram, there was a grassland before
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they constructed a beautiful
cenema
Correct your spelling
cinema
 which sells fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.On the other
side
Use synonyms
 of
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
, they built many houses for the customers to stay in the UK.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 area was changed into a multi-storey car
park
Use synonyms
 for them to
park
Use synonyms
cars
Correct pronoun usage
their cars
show examples
 when they are buying food.
Whereas
Linking Words
, a large swimming
was
Check wording
pool was
show examples
 installed
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
beside
show examples
 the large new
car
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
car
park
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a large number of apartments
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 introduced at the North-West
side
Use synonyms
 of the
graph
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 built many shops for the
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 to buy KFC
as well as
Linking Words
 Pizza.The apartments were located at the far top right of the British map.Another improvement occurred when the grassland was converted into a fresh
park
Use synonyms
 that was located on the East
side
Use synonyms
 of the
graph
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
 was used by the folks resting
while
Linking Words
 they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 eating lunch during the holidays.
Finally
Linking Words
, on the North
side
Use synonyms
 of the
diagram
Add a comma
diagram,
show examples
 there was a sea which was converted into a
yatch
Correct your spelling
yacht
 marina that attracted many people to visit that area.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, side, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Trends
  • Peak times
  • Declines
  • Plateaus
  • Age groups
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Food delivery apps
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Public sector
  • Private sector
  • Healthier menu options
  • Public health campaigns
  • Regulation changes
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