IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many individuals believe that
,
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apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 who
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
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 up in less wealthy
families
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 are better prepared for
adult
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life
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that
,
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 rich
families
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also
Linking Words
 offer some important benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views, and I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. To commence with, the
children
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 from less wealthy
families
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 learn financial responsibility at
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age, which prepares them well for
adult
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life
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.
Moreover
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, they have limited money,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 easily learn budgeting, saving, and prioritising needs.
For example
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, a child who grows up in a low-income family may learn to manage pocket money carefully or help parents control household expenses. As an
adult
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,
such
Linking Words
 a person is more likely to avoid debt and handle financial problems sensibly. Another reason is that
,
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children
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 raised in financially weaker
families
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 develop emotional strength and problem-solving skills. They work hard
Change preposition
at in
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in
Use the right word
an
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 early age, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 patience, resilience, and maturity.
For instance
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,
children
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 who see their parents struggling financially often learn to stay calm and find solutions. Later in
life
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, when they face workplace stress or unemployment, they are better prepared to cope with
such
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 challenges. In conclusion, growing up without much money often teaches
children
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 valuable
life
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 skills
such
Linking Words
 as financial discipline and emotional resilience.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree that
such
Linking Words
children
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 are generally better prepared to face the realities of
adult
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life
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.

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task
The answer talks about both sides but needs more clear balance. Add a stronger counter point and show why your view is the main one.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a clear topic sentence. Use simple linking words to move from one idea to the next.
language
Fix easy grammar and word use. Use short, clear sentences and check small mistakes in spelling and pre-2-words like 'a children' and 'bulid'.
content
Clear stance and good final point that shows your view.
organization
Examples are used to show how money matters in life.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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