IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the main purpose of education is to prepare individuals for employment, while others believe it should focus on personal development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

One must know how to live the life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 of education has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
changed over the period of time. Some critics
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that it should
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on employment
prospective
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
. I firmly in
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 favour, education policies should be personal
development
Use synonyms
 centric, for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
. It is indeed true,
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions nowadays
designing
Wrong verb form
design
show examples
 their curriculum
according to
Linking Words
 the job market.
Such
Linking Words
 policies
are ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 the scientific
development
Use synonyms
 of the individual.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 scenario, schools are advertising that they are teaching coding from class 5th.
Therefore
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 advertisement creates a feeling of missing out, which results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 depression and anxiety among the parents and pupils. Many researchers have
advocates
Replace the word
advocated
show examples
 that there should be
set
Correct article usage
a set
show examples
 of rules to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practices like
this
Linking Words
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 personal
development
Use synonyms
 is a key factor for any
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
. Teaching of ethics, languages and sports benefits in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 run, it develops the scientific temperament, critical thinking and team spirit. Absence of these soft skills
weakening
Wrong verb form
weakens
show examples
 the individual's professional life too.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in today's era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the workforce
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 witnessing mental health issues.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 we should
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a strong curriculum for the
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
. It is a fact
, world
Correct word choice
that, world
show examples
 is becoming more
performance driven
Use the right word
performance-driven
show examples
. To cop
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the
advancements
Punctuation problem
advancements,
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 individuals are making
result driven
Use the right word
result-driven
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 many studies have discovered that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the institutions
which are teaching
Wrong verb form
that teach
show examples
such
Linking Words
syllabus
Correct article usage
a syllabus
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be outdated by the time students
introduced
Verb problem
are introduced
show examples
 to labour markets.
Therefor
Use the right word
Therefore
show examples
teachings
Punctuation problem
, teachings
show examples
 should focus on personal
development
Use synonyms
 to prepare a
well rounded
Use the right word
well-rounded
show examples
 individual.

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task response
Plan your essay. State your view in the first paragraph. Link each idea to your view and give one real example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow clear. Use clear blocks for intro, body and conclusion. Use linking words and make each paragraph carry one idea.
language
Check grammar and use simple, correct sentences. Use common words only and keep 1 idea per sentence.
tone/stance
The writer shows a clear view on the topic
content
Concern for well-being and mental health is touched
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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