IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the main purpose of education is to prepare individuals for employment, while others believe it should focus on personal development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, it is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 undeniable fact that
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 has evolved over the period of time. Some critics argue that
teachings
Fix the agreement mistake
teaching
show examples
 should
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on the basis of future employment
prospective
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
On
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 people
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
 that
education
Use synonyms
 policies should be based on personal
development
Use synonyms
, for a better
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 an attempt will be made to examine both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 before presenting my own opinion. Those who
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
 "
education
Use synonyms
 should be focused on employment" illustrate some reasons to justify.
Use synonyms
Education
Replace the word
Educational
show examples
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 nowadays
enhancing
Verb problem
are enhancing
show examples
 and tweaking their
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 the future job markets.
Such
Linking Words
 policies
are ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 the scientific
development
Use synonyms
 of an individual.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 the present era, schools are advertising
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 coding
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been taught from class 5th, which might
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 be useful
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that age because those skills may
gets
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 outdated over the period of time.
Therefore
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 advertisements
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 a feeling of missing out, which results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 depression and anxiety among the parents. Many researchers have advocated that there should be a set of rules to
deter
Verb problem
mitigate
show examples
 the
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of these practices. Those who think personal
development
Use synonyms
 is a key factor for any
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
, they do
also
Linking Words
 have some points. Teaching of ethics, languages and sports benefits in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 run, it develops the scientific temperament, critical thinking and team spirit. Absence of these soft skills
weakening
Wrong verb form
weakens
show examples
 the individual's professional life.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in today's era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the workforce
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 witnessing mental health issues.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 personal
development
Use synonyms
 allows student to discover their new interests. To recapitulate,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 is becoming more
performance driven
Use the right word
performance-driven
show examples
. To cop
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the
advancements
Punctuation problem
advancements,
show examples
 individuals are making
result driven
Use the right word
result-driven
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 many studies have discovered that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the institutions
which are teaching
Wrong verb form
that teach
show examples
such
Linking Words
syllabus
Correct article usage
a syllabus
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be outdated by the time students
introduced
Verb problem
are introduced
show examples
 to labour markets. I
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
personally believe teachings should focus on personal
development
Use synonyms
 to ensure the
overall
Linking Words
 growth as a human being.

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task response
Plan your answer. In the intro, say the topic and your view. In each paragraph, state one idea with a clear example. This helps task response.
coherence cohesion
Use clear link words. Start the next idea with words like also, but, so, for example. This helps the flow of ideas.
language accuracy
Check spelling and grammar. Use short, simple sentences. This makes your meaning clear.
structure
It looks at both sides and gives your own view.
content
There are some real examples to show ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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