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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage of the population using the internet in three different countries between 1995 and 2015. ​Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. ​

The
table
Use synonyms
 illustrates the proportions of the
publics
Check wording
public's
show examples
usage
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 web in three different
countries
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
table
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 shows 3 different
countries
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. These are
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Mexico
Use synonyms
 and
Nigeria
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
table
Use synonyms
 includes 5 years. These are 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, 2015. Generally,
Canada
Use synonyms
 has the biggest amounts every
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 is at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Dramatically
Punctuation problem
Dramatically,
show examples
 reality is
all
Correct word choice
that all
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 rose permanently.
Canada
Use synonyms
's population's
usage
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
percentages is
Verb problem
was
show examples
 10% in 1995.
Mexico
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of these numbers (5%) in the same year. On the other
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 has almost
nothing
Rephrase
no
show examples
usage
Use synonyms
 proportion. The data of
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 shows,
Nigeria
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has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 0.01%
usage
Use synonyms
 in 1995.
Canada
Use synonyms
 rose to 45% in 2000,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
mean's
Use the right word
means
show examples
 the gap
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 1995 and 2000 is 30%. Not only,
Canada
Use synonyms
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
,
Mexico
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
doubled
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 amount.
Canada
Use synonyms
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
12% in 2000.
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 has the biggest difference, if
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the other
countries
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 difference is 100%.
That's
Verb problem
That
show examples
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
, they reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 amount is still at the least.
Mexico
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
doubled again to their
usage
Use synonyms
 percentage
in
Rephrase
again in
show examples
 2005. The percentage is
quarter
Punctuation problem
quarter,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
mean's
Check wording
means
show examples
 %25
.
Change preposition
In
show examples
By the same way, the othe
r usages amount
Fix the agreement mistake
usage amounts
show examples
 of the 2
countrie
Use synonyms
s wa
Verb problem
apply
show examples
s rose at the
table
Use synonyms
. They reached 72%(
Canada
Use synonyms
 ) and 8% (
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 ).
Canada
Use synonyms
 was still at the top. The proportions were too sam
e
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
In 2010 and 2015. All the
countrie
Use synonyms
s increasi
Verb problem
are increasing
show examples
ng permanently.
Canad
Use synonyms
a wa
Verb problem
apply
show examples
s reache
d t
Change preposition
apply
show examples
o 85%.
Mexico
Use synonyms
 was 40% and
Nigeria
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 was 15% in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
's rate was almost full. The number was 91%.
Mexico
Use synonyms
 was reach
ed to up
Change preposition
by
show examples
of half. The percentage was 62%.
Nigeria
Use synonyms
 was 38% ( ove
r o
Change preposition
apply
show examples
f the quarter).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words table, usage, countries, canada, mexico, nigeria with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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