IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to school to promote their products. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, fast
food
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 restaurants and supermarkets provide financial
support
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 to
schools
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 in exchange for promoting their
products
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.
While
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this
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 practice may bring certain benefits, I believe it is mainly a negative development. On the one hand,
this
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 financial
support
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 can help
schools
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 improve their facilities and activities. Many
schools
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 face a lack of funding, and money from companies can be used to buy new equipment, improve classrooms, or
support
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 school events. In
this
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 way,
students
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 may benefit from better learning conditions.
In addition
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, partnerships with supermarkets may help
schools
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 provide affordable
food
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 options for
students
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.
On the other hand
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, promoting fast
food
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products
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 in
schools
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 can have negative effects on children’s health. Fast
food
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 is often high in sugar, fat, and salt, which can lead to unhealthy eating habits. When these
products
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 are advertised at school, children may be influenced to consume them more often.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 should be places that encourage healthy lifestyles and critical thinking, not commercial advertising. Allowing companies to promote their
products
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 may send the wrong message to
students
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. In my opinion,
this
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 development is more negative than positive.
Although
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schools
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 need financial
support
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, promoting fast
food
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 and commercial
products
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 can harm children’s health and values. Governments should find other ways to fund
schools
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 without exposing
students
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 to advertising.

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task response
State your view in the first part and keep it in all parts.
task response
Use one good reason for each idea and add a small real-life example.
coherence cohesion
Use easy words to link ideas so the writing flows.
coherence cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear line about the point you will make.
task response
Clear stance is shown and kept.
coherence cohesion
Easy to follow order with clear three parts.
coherence cohesion
Link words help flow between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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