IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people’s ideas and attitudes are different from those of their parents and grandparents. What are the differences? What problems may be caused?

In the modern era, the behaviour of youngsters has changed over the past years, and the difference between their thoughts and actions makes them different from the grey society, which ultimately leads to many problems.
This
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 essay intends to discuss their dissimilarities and the complications The first and foremost reason is more reliance on technology
,
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.
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 Nowadays,young
people
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 prefer to do their tasks by machines, rather than manually, which saves their time and energy.
For example
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, they use coffee maker machines to make
this
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 beverage,rather than by hand and the use of robots for house cleaning. Through
this
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 dependency on appliances, they become lazy and develop many health issues. Another reason for the distinction between young and old
people
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 is the need for independence.Young
people
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 want to lead an independent life without the interference of their elders, and they always oppose their views.
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, a survey which was conducted in 1993 showed that 70%youngsters want to live independently.
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, it spoils their relationships with older
people
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.
While
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 differences may lead to problems in their later life, more dependence on tools gives them detrimental effects on their health and
also
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 moves them towards a sedentary lifestyle. Less interference of old ones becomes a reason for many problems , like weak family relationships, a sense of insecurity , etc.
To conclude
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this
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, dependency on different apparatus and a sense of freedom among youngsters are troublesome.

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task achievement
Your essay has good ideas but the plan is not clear. Add a simple outline at the start and keep to it.
coherence
Make a plan before you write. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and end with a short finish that restates your main point.
content
There are clear ideas about why young people differ from older people.
structure
You give examples to show your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work-life balance
  • Job security
  • Tech-savvy
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Flexible learning environments
  • Sustainable practices
  • Progressive social issues
  • Gender equality
  • LGBTQ+ rights
  • Conservative views
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