IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Currently, there is an early
access
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 to
credit
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card
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cards
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 trend for young
people
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.
Although
Linking Words
this
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 gives them a convenient society, I believe there are many serious drawbacks that should be taken into account. The main disadvantage of young
people
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 having easy
access
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 to
credit
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card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
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 is their poor financial behaviours. Many young adults lack financial literacy and may struggle to manage their finances. With the huge
credit
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card
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 limit and interest‑free period, they might get
carry
Wrong verb form
carried
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 away with splashing out on fashion and trendy
stuffs
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stuff
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.
As a result
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, some may max out their cards, run up a debt, or only make the minimum payment each month, which leads to high interest charges.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young
people
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 lack self-control as things easily tempt them,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 may end up
in
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apply
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overspending
due to
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 impulse purchases.
For example
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, when young
people
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 can easily
access
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to
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apply
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a
credit
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card
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, they always buy things on impulse, because they cannot resist their desire to obtain beautiful things. In serious cases, young
people
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 may even damage their
credit
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 score at an early age.
This
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 shows that easy
access
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 to
credit
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 cards can encourage overspending and long-term financial problems. Despite the risks, some
people
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 may argue that having easy
access
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 to
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credit
Correct article usage
a credit
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card
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 helps youth to become financially independent.
This
Linking Words
 can teach them how to manage their budgets and personal finances at a young age without relying on parents.
For example
Linking Words
, adolescents who have early
access
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 to a
credit
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card
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 usually gain knowledge and experience in managing their daily expenses.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
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 can only apply to young
people
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 who have financial knowledge and can clear
off
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apply
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their debt on time. Without proper guidance, many young
people
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 overspend and overdraft their bank accounts.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
credit
Use synonyms
 cards can be useful financial tools, their benefits are limited and often outweighed by the danger of debt for inexperienced users. In conclusion, the drawbacks associated with young
people
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 having easy
access
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 to
credit
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 appear to overshadow any potential gains.

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TASK RESPONSE
Add a clear view in the intro and restate it in the end.
TASK RESPONSE
Give more real life proof for each point and show why it matters to the reader.
COHERENCE & COHESION
Use more linking words to move from one idea to the next.
LANGUAGE
Check grammar and keep sentences short so the meaning is clear.
POSITIVITY
There is a clear view and you argue for the bad parts of the trend.
STRUCTURE
The essay uses clear sections: introduction, body, and conclusion.
LEXICAL
You use topic words linked to money and cards.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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