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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the global amount of money made
of
Change preposition
by
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 4 different kinds of digital
games
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 20006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 handheld
games
Use synonyms
 were the most popular throughout the entire period, seeing a significant rise in sales.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 mobile and online
games
Use synonyms
 experienced steady growth from 2002 onwards, console
games
Use synonyms
 followed a downward trend, eventually becoming the least profitable category by 2006. Handheld
games
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 started in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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 around 11
billion
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dollars
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rising
Punctuation problem
, rising
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 upward
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the years
ending
Punctuation problem
, ending
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 at its peak of nearly 18
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 console
games
Use synonyms
 started the second at approximately 6
billion
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dollars
Use synonyms
 and began to slightly decrease throughout time until it reached its lowest in 2006 at below 5
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 were 0 sales for both phone and online
games
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they
raised
Verb problem
rose
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 significantly throughout the years
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
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 above 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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