Due the advancement in computer technology the trend of working from home will bring a dramatic change to people's lives. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

As the technology
improved
Verb problem
has improved
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from the past to today, a lot of employees
started
Verb problem
have started
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to work in a
home
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office environment. A popular idea suggests that it will cause a dramatic change in
people
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's
living
Replace the word
lives
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. I strongly believe that it will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity positively. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to the internet in each house
dramatically
Verb problem
has dramatically
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increased. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
used to go to their jobs every single day.
However
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, it is not like
this
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anymore.
For example
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, call centres started to accept workers from overseas.
Although
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the company is based in another country,
people
Use synonyms
are still able to answer calls from other time zones. These kinds of technological improvements started to benefit huge companies.
Thus
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, it became much easier to find the correct kind of work holder. From another perspective, some women who have just come from labour are not as capable as other working-class
.
Check wording
women.
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It is not recommended for them to leave the house. New kinds of technological resources,
such
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as the internet, have increased the rate of employed mothers. Compared to the past, the rate of full-time working mothers has significantly increased thanks to
this
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matter. In effect, kids started to receive better parenting.
For instance
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, female workers could feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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safer
due to
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the
home
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working environment.
On the other hand
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, lonely
people
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are affected really badly under these conditions. With the
lacknes
Correct your spelling
lack
of social interactions, psychological health is under abuse.
Man
Fix the agreement mistake
Men
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with small social awareness are unfortunately not going to be able to improve under these conditions. In conclusion, even though there are advantages and disadvantages to the concept of working from
home
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. The benefits to our community are higher than anything else. More holdings should consider letting their workers work from
home
Use synonyms
.

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task response
The essay shows a view on the topic, but ideas are not fully argued. Add one or two solid points with clear reasons.
task response
Give one clear example for each point and explain how it shows the effect of home work on life.
coherence
Improve flow between ideas. Use simple linking words like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'in addition'.
coherence
Keep paragraphs for one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and end with a short conclusion for that idea.
coherence
Work on grammar and form. Use short, simple sentences. Check spelling and word choice.
task response
The writer states a clear view that working from home matters to life.
coherence
There are some links between ideas in places.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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