IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Multicultural societies in the world
getting
Verb problem
are getting
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 more
contraversial
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controversial
topic
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topics
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 nowadays. Especially, increasing the number of immigrants helps to create a mixture of cultures and
believes
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beliefs
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. It has both advantages and disadvantages
with
Change preposition
in
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 different aspects.  On the first hand, having
Correct article usage
a multicutural
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multicutural
Correct your spelling
multicultural
 community creates more respectful thoughts among each other. As an
exapmle
Correct your spelling
example
, if someone
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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 with different religions
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to understand
varies
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various
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 life patterns.
According to
Linking Words
 the research published
in
Change preposition
by
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University
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the University
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 of British Columbia
says
Verb problem
apply
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, Canada is the
most growing
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fastest-growing
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multi cultural
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multicultural
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 country in the world
since
Change preposition
over
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past
Correct article usage
the past
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 several years.
Mixture
Correct article usage
A mixture
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 of different ethnic
people
Use synonyms
 creates
colloboration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 with respectful mindsets with easy pathways to share their lives. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, increasing numbers of
multi cultural
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multicultural
show examples
 communities generate more disadvantages.
Such
Linking Words
 as different
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
,war
..
Punctuation problem
,
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etc.
Hence
Linking Words
, lots of native
people
Use synonyms
 do not like to
loose
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lose
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 their traditions and lands because of
arriving
Wrong verb form
the arrival of
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 strange
people
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 who do not belong to their lands. Starting
war
Correct article usage
a war
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 between different religions can
mentioned
Verb problem
be mentioned
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 as a major disadvantage in the world. Several
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
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 fight to establish their own culture and traditions among the communities. As an example, India and Pakistan, Iran and
Ishrayal
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Israel
 wars are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 famous news topics
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. It creates
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 complicated human beings in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the generations with dishonesty. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, having
multi cultural
Use the right word
multi-cultural
show examples
 societies creates more advantages and
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 since the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history.
Colloboration
Correct your spelling
Collaboration
, respectful thoughts among the group of
people
Use synonyms
 are the most valuable advantages. But on the other side, it creates
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
contraversial
Correct your spelling
controversial
 case scenarios
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as dividing
people
Use synonyms
 into groups and fighting,
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
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 Civil wars and destroying innocent
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives
..
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
etc.

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task response
The essay answers the question but needs more detail. Add clear points for both sides and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use a clear plan: one opening, two body parts with a main idea in each, and a short end. Add simple linking words to show how ideas fit together.
structure
The essay shows both sides and ends with a conclusion.
content
There are ideas about respect and sharing of culture.
examples
Examples are used to support ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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