IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian boys and girls school pupils) attending 4 different sports activities after school in 2010.

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian boys and girls school pupils) attending 4 different sports activities after school in 2010.
The given bar chart represents the fraction of pupils from Australian schools attending 4 different
sports
Use synonyms
 activities by gender in 2010 after their school .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 football was popular among
boys
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 is 4 times higher than the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
netball
Use synonyms
 is the most preferred game choice among
girls
Use synonyms
. With regard to the
girls
Use synonyms
,
netball
Use synonyms
 ranked first with around 17% of players
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 swimming followed it closely with around 16% preference. For
netball
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 is around 8 times higher than the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 who
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
netball
Use synonyms
 as a
sports
Use synonyms
 activity after school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 who
didnot
Correct your spelling
did not
 prefer any
spots
Use the right word
sports
show examples
 activity was 5%. Turning to
boys
Use synonyms
, football ranked on top with 20% of popularity among
boys
Use synonyms
. The second most popular
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 among
boys
Use synonyms
 was swimming
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 around 13%.
Net ball
Use the right word
Netball
show examples
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 preferring no
sports
Use synonyms
 stayed below 5%. The lowest preferred game among
boys
Use synonyms
 was
netball
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 93%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, boys, percentage, girls, netball with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: