IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It’s more important for governments to spend public funds on promoting a healthy lifestyle than treatment. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the globe is under
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 crisis,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 debate of government funding on promoting
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
 has been raised
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 health sector.
In
Change preposition
To
show examples
 a
larger
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 extent, promoting
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighs
 investment in
treatment
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss the
pressure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 hygiene
system
Use synonyms
 and the
Use synonyms
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
 perspective.
First,
Linking Words
building up
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 would lower the chance of getting chronic
diseases
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
release
Wrong verb form
releasing
show examples
 the
pressure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 health
system
Use synonyms
. It is a fact that having
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as doing
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 regularly, having enough and regular sleep,
having
Correct word choice
and having
show examples
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 diet would develop
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 immune
system
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is crucial in preventing chronic
diseases
Use synonyms
, which are the
mojor epenses
Correct your spelling
major expenses
 in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 hygiene
system
Use synonyms
. If
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 could promote
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective way, for
eample
Correct your spelling
example
, using
reward
Correct article usage
a reward
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 to encourage
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
participate
Verb problem
to participate
show examples
 in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 activities,
this
Linking Words
 might have a higher effectiveness than medical
treatment
Use synonyms
. The more
frequent
Replace the word
frequently
show examples
 they join, the lower
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 that they have
chronic
Correct article usage
a chronic
show examples
 disease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, releasing the
pressure
Use synonyms
 in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
. More importantly,
this
Linking Words
 could
also
Linking Words
 improve
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 quality of life.
Second,
Linking Words
prevention is always better than
treatment
Use synonyms
.
Increase
Wrong verb form
Increasing
show examples
 the investment in healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 promotion would be
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 intervention in treating infectious
diseases
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
treatment
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative prevention. To prevent infectious
diseases
Use synonyms
, having an ideal
lifestle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 is essential.
For example
Linking Words
, flu and viruses would have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 death rate in people who have
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 diet and habits. To invade your body,
virus
Correct article usage
a virus
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to pass through the immune
system
Use synonyms
. For those who
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 having poor and messy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, their immune
system
Use synonyms
 would be weaker than others, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a higher chance of
chain
Correct article usage
a chain
show examples
 reaction in
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body. It might trigger inflammation in
organ
Correct article usage
an organ
show examples
, and probably, the functionality of the organ is no longer
opimistic
Correct your spelling
optimistic
 when people are having chaotic
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they might face
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 risk and
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 recovery time after
treatment
Use synonyms
. The worst case is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when the body
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 bear any
bacteira
Correct your spelling
bacterial
 infection, any
treatment
Use synonyms
 would not help.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is suggested that
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 consider
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 to the public rather than
treatment
Use synonyms
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view of
pressure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 hygiene
system
Use synonyms
 and
treatment
Use synonyms
 of disease.

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structure
Plan your essay first. Write a clear view in the first paragraph and repeat it in the last paragraph.
content
Have one main idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that supports your view.
language
Use simple words. Check spell and grammar, like excersice, major expenses, gover n ment.
examples
Give real examples to back up your points. For example, you can say '30 minutes of walk each day' or 'bike to work'.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words. Use also, but, for example, after, first, next, finally.
content
The essay shows a view that prevention can cut disease and ease strain on health services.
content
The writer keeps to a clear topic: spending on lifestyle can affect health.
policy
Some policy ideas are good, like using rewards to get people to do sport.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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