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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, socio, and Commercio, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In my view, as contemporary society becomes increasingly competitive and consumer-driven,
children
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 are being exposed to mounting
pressure
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 from educational demands, peer expectations, and aggressive marketing strategies.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
although
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 many
children
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 have access to
education
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, they are facing increasing
pressure
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 from academic, social, and commercial expectations. Modern
education
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 systems
emphasize
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emphasise
show examples
 high grades, intense competition, and
standardized
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standardised
show examples
 testing.
While
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 peer validation and social conformity demonstrate mounting
pressure
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 in the meritocratic
education
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 system, many
children
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 experience increased psychological stress.
For example
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,
Because
Fix capitalization
because
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children
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 can gain access to higher
education
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 only if they pass competitive examinations, parents often expect outstanding academic performance.
additional Schools
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Additional schools
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 assign excessive homework.
Furthermore
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,
children
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’s mental health is often adversely affected by the fear of academic failure, particularly when they are preparing for highly competitive university entrance examinations.
Furthermore
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,
Even
Fix capitalization
even
show examples
 though academic examinations remain a major challenge for
children
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, educational institutions should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 holistic development
instead
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 of focusing excessively on examination performance.
While
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 reducing excessive homework and testing can alleviate academic
pressure
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, educational institutions should
also
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 introduce interactive digital platforms that make learning more enjoyable and effective.
Although
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 many parents should encourage balanced lifestyles and emotional well-being, schools should
also
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 provide recreational opportunities for
children
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.
Additionally
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, governments can regulate advertisements aimed at
children
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,
while
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 educational programs that teach responsible social media use can help reduce psychological
pressure
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. In conclusion,
while
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 academic, social, and commercial factors contribute significantly to
children
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’s stress, comprehensive educational reforms can help alleviate
this
Linking Words
pressure
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 in the long term.
However
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, the family institution provides an intimate support network and plays a direct role in guiding
children
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’s development.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear plan: say the causes in one part and the fixes in another. Use one big idea per paragraph with a short topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show flow. Use 'first', 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'in addition'.
content
Make each point clear and link it to the task. Do not repeat the same idea many times.
grammar
Improve grammar and keep short sentences to avoid mistakes.
conclusion
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view and sums up the main ideas.
content
The essay shows the main idea of pressure from three areas: study, friends, and ads.
content
It offers many ideas for steps in school, in gov, and in family.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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