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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

This
Linking Words
 chart compares the proportion of European people
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 once a month or more in different
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 from 1990 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, all
age
Use synonyms
 groups
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 an upward trend over the period. The oldest
age
Use synonyms
 range (45 and over) had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 percentage of contribution in
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 for
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period of time. Regarding
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation, for 18-
24 years old
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
 people, its graph showed an upward trend
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 10% in 1990. In 1998,
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 overtook the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the largest proportion of people who visited
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 from 1998 to 2010. For
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, it had a constant increase,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 10% in 1990 and
reached to
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 50% in 2010. For older ages,
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 started from 5% in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
then
Linking Words
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased to 10% in 1994 and remained same proportion in 1998 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40% in 2010. For
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and over
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, it had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 percentage for
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 5% in 1990 and
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to 10% in 1998. After that, it remained the same percentage from 1998 to
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 increased to 20% in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Age group (noun): A range of ages categorized together.
  • Gym attendance (noun): The act of visiting or using a gym.
  • Trend (noun): A general direction in which something is developing or changing.
  • Decline (verb/noun): A decrease or loss in quality, quantity, or importance.
  • Fluctuate (verb): To change continually; to move up and down.
  • Peak (noun/verb): Reach the highest point.
  • Demographics (noun): Statistical data relating to the population and particular groups within it.
  • Health awareness (noun): Being conscious or informed about health issues.
  • Fitness culture (noun): A culture that promotes physical exercise and healthy living.
  • Stabilize (verb): To make or become unlikely to change or fluctuate.
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