IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Certain individuals argue that spending
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
building a bright
career
Use synonyms
 is more significant,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that spending it with their
beloved
Use the right word
loved
show examples
 ones is more important. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends is important as it reduces
stress
Use synonyms
 and helps in building
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 emotional bond,
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 future
also
Linking Words
 plays a vital role as it ensures
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better living standards.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a bright
career
Use synonyms
 is very
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in
todays
Check wording
today's
show examples
 era in order to compete with others, and to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a balanced living.
Economical
Correct word choice
Economic
show examples
 crisis is becoming a serious issue globally successful
career
Use synonyms
 ensures better jobs and
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities
in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 order to become successful
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
 should spend a
notable
Correct word choice
considerable
show examples
time
Use synonyms
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seeking knowledge and developing skills, as both of these require a considerable
time
Use synonyms
 and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the individuals who spend their
earlier
Correct word choice
early
show examples
 ages
in occupying
Verb problem
acquiring
show examples
 knowledge and gaining skills rather than spending it with their family often
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 ranks in their
career
Use synonyms
. After that, giving more
time
Use synonyms
 to their friends and family
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 its own advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
in reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 levels in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals because
one
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
should
Verb problem
can
show examples
 share their problems.
Sometime
Use the right word
Sometimes
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to the issues are often given by
realtives
Correct your spelling
relatives
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it helps in
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 low levels of
stress
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family
also
Linking Words
 ensures a strong
emotinal
Correct your spelling
emotional
 bond which
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 helps in
acheiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good mental health
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a significant impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 life as it helps in focusing on the other aspects of life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved ones is important as it ensures
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental stability and
aid
Fix the agreement mistake
aids
show examples
 in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 levels, I partially agree with the view that spending more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 is far more important, as it provides suitable jobs and
aid
Fix the agreement mistake
aids
show examples
 in
competing
Verb problem
overcoming
show examples
 the
ecnomical
Correct your spelling
economic
 crisis.

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coherence
Plan your write up. Use a clear start, body and end. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence that says what it is about.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit. Words like also, but, however, and then help the flow.
grammar
Check the spelling of key words. A few words are spelt wrong and can hide the idea.
task
Give one good example for each idea and explain how it backs the point.
task
The essay shows both sides and gives your view.
coherence
Structure is clear with a matching end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career
  • family
  • friends
  • time
  • work
  • life
  • job
  • money
  • happy
  • sad
  • plan
  • balance
  • choice
  • view
  • opinion
  • reason
  • example
  • learn
  • growth
  • skill
  • success
  • goal
  • support
  • stress
  • health
  • together
  • relax
  • enjoy
  • limit
  • schedule
  • boundary
  • future
  • care
  • value
What to do next:
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