IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

It is well known that
bond
Correct article usage
the bond
show examples
 between parents and their
child
Use synonyms
 is extremely vital for developing a healthy
person
Use synonyms
. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, nowadays parents
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to delegate
this
Linking Words
 responsibility to other
people
Use synonyms
. And some
people
Use synonyms
 are against it and have an opinion that it harms the family. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and personally believe that
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of parents in
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 upbringing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leads to several problems which
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will represent
further
Linking Words
. First of all,
Use synonyms
parent's
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 presence in everyday interactions is irreplaceable for a
child
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 no
person
Use synonyms
 will ever replace mom or dad figure. And most
importantly
Punctuation problem
importantly,
show examples
 it causes a lot of psychological damage and distorts
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 image of human relations. Researches show that kids who experienced
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
parent's
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 love and attention
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 often
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of abandonment and loneliness.
This
Linking Words
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
Use synonyms
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 development horrendously, causing them to constantly seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
validation from other
people
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a
child
Use synonyms
 who
then
Linking Words
 grew up and started living alone, often ending up in dysfunctional and abusive relationships with manipulative
people
Use synonyms
. It always forces a
person
Use synonyms
 to suffer from dependency
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
person
Use synonyms
, because a
child
Use synonyms
 can't develop autonomy without
Use synonyms
parent's
Correct article usage
a parent's
show examples
 help
Second
Punctuation problem
. Second
show examples
 of all, that model of a family always breaks the connection between relatives, growing 4 separate
people
Use synonyms
 emotionally distant from each other.
People
Use synonyms
 in
such
Linking Words
 families
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
usually perceive each other as
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 or tenants.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 eventually
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 them to feel irritated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other, since forgiveness or mercy is not an option anymore,
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
simply don't know each other.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 we can take any average family from
Correct article usage
the corporate-sector
show examples
corporate-sector
Use the right word
corporate sector
show examples
, when career is absorbing all of your free
time
Use synonyms
, home stops feeling like a safe place anymore.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen in
adult's
Check wording
adults'
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 when they
are seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 how distant their
child
Use synonyms
 becomes and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to take
place
Check wording
part
show examples
 in their
children
Use synonyms
's upbringing, making
teenager
Correct article usage
the teenager
show examples
distant even more
Correct word order
even more distant
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 loop of missed opportunities, where a
parent
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 seeing how the
last
Linking Words
 glimpse of connection between him and a
child
Use synonyms
fading
Verb problem
is fading
show examples
 away, making them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
control even more to the point where their
child
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 leaving them forever, the moment he turns 18. It reflects not only in
parent
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 relations, but
also
Linking Words
 between wife and husband. Seeing how the thing that kept
this
Linking Words
 family together is disappearing, leaving them with no
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 to be together,
finally
Linking Words
 breaking the whole family apart.
Although
Linking Words
 my examples
my
Use the right word
may
show examples
 seem emotional, everything described above is a very common situation that could've been avoided by choosing
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 preferences.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 want to say that even though
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
 of saving
time
Use synonyms
 by leaving your kids to be looked after by other
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may seem very beneficial, it is not. And in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 perspective simply
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 worse results. Every
parent
Use synonyms
 before having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to think
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 they prefer to sacrifice, either money and
time
Use synonyms
 or bond with their legacy and
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 healthiness. I would personally prefer to be with my
children
Use synonyms
, rather
having
Correct word choice
than having
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
. Or even leaving
this
Linking Words
 idea for better times, if
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 not ready for parenting

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planning
Plan before you write. Make a simple plan with an intro, 3 body ideas, and a clear end.
language
Use short, plain sentences. Break long sentences into two.
content
Add some balance. Mention a small good side of child care to show you see both view.
examples
Give clear, real examples or facts to back your points.
task
Clear stance on the topic.
content
The idea about how lack of care can harm trust and family, can be strong.
coherence
You try to link ideas with a sense of family life.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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