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Writing Samples
Band 4

Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?

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Introduction
Most
healthcares
Correct your spelling
healthcare
prefer
Check wording
professionals prefer
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
, because of higher income. But the consequences of
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 fewer
doctors
Use synonyms
 in rural areas.
In nowadays
Change preposition
Nowadays
show examples
 it happens
quit
Use the right word
quite
show examples
 often, because
every thing
Use the right word
everything
show examples
 becomes more expensive and like any worker,
doctors
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 want higher salaries.
Body paragraph 1
A key reason for living
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 areas, to
work
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in at
show examples
at
Use the right word
a
show examples
 better place, it’s low income in the
Use synonyms
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. Some
doctors
Use synonyms
 don’t want to
work
Use synonyms
 for
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 salary, and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they are leaving. Many
doctors
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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surgeons
Punctuation problem
surgeons,
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work
Use synonyms
 at night
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
, and it is really disrespectful to pay them
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 amount of money.
Body paragraph 2
Another issue which is present because of that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is no
doctors
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. If all
healthcares
Correct your spelling
healthcare
leave
Check wording
workers leave
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 there won’t be anyone to heal residents. Not all
people
Use synonyms
 can afford to go to
cities
Use synonyms
 for a checkup or proper
heal
Fix the agreement mistake
health care
show examples
. It
also
Linking Words
makes
Verb problem
poses
show examples
 risks for ill
people
Use synonyms
, cause some
Use synonyms
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 located
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 far from
cities
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 that, it can be
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 late
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 save someone.
Body paragraph 3
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if
doctors
Use synonyms
 still prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
, we
still can
Correct word order
can still
show examples
 change things to make
better
Correct pronoun usage
it better
show examples
 for workers and
people
Use synonyms
. The solution is higher income. It will motivate present
healthcares
Correct your spelling
healthcare
,
Check wording
workers, moreover
show examples
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 it will encourage
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation to
work
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
doctors
Use synonyms
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 for their own good, but it can begin to be a problem for
people
Use synonyms
 who need healthcare’s help. So the best way it make a compromise that everyone will have something positive from
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
.

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structure
Make a plan with three small parts. One part for the start, one part for the mid part with main idea, and one for the end. Each part should stay on one idea.
grammar
Use simple grammar and spell common words well. Check 'healthcares' and 'countrysides' and use 'health care workers' and 'rural areas'.
structure
Add clear topic sentence in each paragraph. State the idea in the first line of the paragraph.
content
Give more real details or examples to back up each idea.
lexical
Keep words in the topic and keep to a small, easy set of words. This helps to keep the text clear.
content
The text talks about a real problem in many places.
content
The idea of money as a pull to move doctors is clear.
content
The writer tries to show a way to fix the problem.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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