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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Giving children and adolescents pocket money is common throughout the world. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, parents often provide their
children
Use synonyms
 with an
allowance
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the custom can be problematic in some cases, I believe that these issues are negligible compared to the potential benefits of financial maturity. Concerning the challenges, one of the most worrying aspects of giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 is that it can engender a sense of entitlement.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice might cause them to believe that they have a right to
deserve
Verb problem
receive
show examples
 pocket
money
Use synonyms
 without
any
Verb problem
making any
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
alchild
Correct your spelling
a child
 who is used to receiving financial awards on an unqualified basis will have a higher tendency
of growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
 up as an irresponsible and
spoilt
Use the right word
spoiled
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the provision of a consistent
allowance
Use synonyms
 can enable
children
Use synonyms
 to squander on
unnecessities
Replace the word
unnecessary items
show examples
. It is not uncommon to see these youngsters
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend most of their time in game clubs or even become involved in drugs
due to
Linking Words
 having extra
money
Use synonyms
. These
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
show examples
 will have an adverse effect on their future.
However
Linking Words
, the above drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 practice so long as appropriate conditions are put in place.
Firstly
Linking Words
, requiring
children
Use synonyms
 to work for an
allowance
Use synonyms
 through,
for instance
Linking Words
, assigning home chores should encourage them to appreciate the value of
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 way of upbringing leads them to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better use of their acquired
money
Use synonyms
 on more reasonable matters.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are financially rewarded for their efforts could develop new skills related to
money
Use synonyms
 management. If,
in contrast
Linking Words
, a teenager is never given pocket
money
Use synonyms
, their ability to manage finances in adulthood might be compromised
due to
Linking Words
 inexperience in
such
Linking Words
case
Correct article usage
a case
show examples
. In conclusion, despite the entitlement and irresponsible usage of
money
Use synonyms
 which an unconditional
allowance
Use synonyms
 might bring about in young people, my view is that pocket
money
Use synonyms
 with boundaries can promote economic responsibility, which will be of greater importance later in life.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line. Say what you think about pocket money right away.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph and use simple link words to show how ideas go together.
language
Check your spell and use common words. Fix big mistakes like alchild and unnecessities so the text is easy to read.
examples
Give real and small proof for each point. Do not say big claims without proof.
content
The essay shows a clear view and ends with a yes to limits on money.
structure
It follows a simple plan: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
There is an attempt to link money to life skills like saving and handling money.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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