IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The obesity issue has become prevalent nowadays. It is commonly believed that
high calorie
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high-calorie
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foods
Use synonyms
 should be taxed in order to address
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with the proposed solution because it will take its toll on low-income families and promote an unhealthy relationship with
food
Use synonyms
. The first social category that will be affected by fast
food
Use synonyms
 taxation is impoverished
families
Punctuation problem
families,
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 because
high quality
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high-quality
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 meat is much more expensive than a hot dog.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most households in Kazakhstan allocate more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of their budget on
food
Use synonyms
 expenses. If the price of fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 were raised, the poorer citizens would be forced to reduce spending on education or healthcare.
As a result
Linking Words
, a major
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of the population could see a decrease in living standards. Another aspect to be considered is that punishment for enjoying certain
foods
Use synonyms
 might aggravate eating disorders. As a matter of fact, a large segment of women is in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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recovery from anorexia or bulimia and in need of exposure to previously triggering
foods
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
such measures
Correct word order
measures such
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 as making certain
foods
Use synonyms
 forbidden or less accessible might exacerbate some individuals' unhealthy relationship with
food
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the price increase might contribute to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 mental health crisis we are currently facing. In conclusion, I fully disagree that raising
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 of fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 might be an appropriate solution.
Instead
Linking Words
, it could have a negative impact on
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of disadvantaged families and those who struggle with eating disorders.

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task response
Be clear about your main view in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
development
Give stronger or more number facts to back each reason.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together and avoid long, hard sentences.
accuracy
Fix small grammar or word use mistakes to improve accuracy.
strength
The essay shows a clear stance against the idea of tax on fattening foods.
structure
The body moves in a logical order with a clear intro and conclusion.
content
Use of a real place (Kazakhstan) makes the point feel real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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