The chart illustrates the percentage of male and female executives in seven different types of profession across the UK in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary.

The given bar graph shows the proportion of two different genders
executives
Change preposition
of executives
show examples
in seven separate types of jobs
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the United Kingdom in 2007,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
does
Verb problem
makes
show examples
comparisons where relevant.
Overall
Linking Words
,
constuction
Correct your spelling
construction
had the highest popularity among males
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
teaching had the highest proportion of
femles
Correct your spelling
females
.
And both
Correct word choice
Both
show examples
genders
interested
Verb problem
are interested
show examples
in journalism equally. The data continues with slight movements across
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
. The percentage of females working as teachers is
exact
Replace the word
exactly
show examples
90%
however
Linking Words
, it is 10% for
men
Use synonyms
. The peak profession for
men
Use synonyms
is construction at 90%
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it is 10% for women.
In addition
Linking Words
, the same
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
of male and female employees have worked as journalists (50%). Most of the therapists used to be female, a little over 80%
in contrast
Linking Words
, males had slightly less than 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
used to have
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
higher proportion compared to women at jobs
such
Linking Words
as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
scientists and
law
Replace the word
lawyers
show examples
, 60% and around 55% respectively. And
finally
Linking Words
, Advertising had more women compared to
men
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is around 55%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: