IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The bar graph
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who happen to have
heart
Use synonyms
 attacks each year in the United States, and does
comperisions
Correct your spelling
comparisons
 where relevant.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 over 65 were more likely to have health problems,
whereas
Linking Words
 29-44 had the least proportion.
Also
Linking Words
, men had
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 probability
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attack
at
Change preposition
across
show examples
 all age groups. Women aged 29 to 44 had the least
possobility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 to have
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attack
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
number of exact
Correct word order
exact number of
show examples
 3.000
people
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the same category
men
Punctuation problem
, men
show examples
 had 123.000
people
Use synonyms
 with
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
pacients
Correct your spelling
patients
 increased dramatically to 424.000
people
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of 45 to 64.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of females
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 to 136.000. For the group of 65
adn
Correct your spelling
and
 over
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 increased even more.
For instance
Linking Words
, 440.000 men had attacks
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
 around 374.000 women had
heart
Use synonyms
 attacks.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, people, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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