The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

This
Linking Words
bar chart illustrates the rate of people who have heart attacks every
eary
Correct your spelling
year
in the US in both genders between three
group
Use synonyms
of ages.
Overall
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, the graph shows that
this
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issue has
dramaticly increas
Correct your spelling
dramatically increased
in both genders when they become
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the percentage of men who suffer
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
heart attacks is
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
than women in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the men figure
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
sharply
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
from 123,000 in
29
Correct article usage
the 29
show examples
-44
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
to
Check wording
group to
show examples
424 thousands in the generation between 45
to
Change preposition
-
show examples
64.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
slightly to
440
Correct article usage
the 440
show examples
group
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
+65.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young female
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
groups of age
between
Check wording
group between
show examples
29-44
ages
Check wording
apply
show examples
represents the minority of patients, but
this
Linking Words
figure increased between the elder
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
45-64 and +65
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
record 136 and 374
Punctuation problem
, prespectively
show examples
prespectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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