IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in term of their health and healthcare. What do you think why so many children are overweight. What is to be done to solve this problem

A lot of
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from
obesity
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could result in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of their health and healthcare. I believe
one
Use synonyms
 of the reasons
children
Use synonyms
 are overweight is that they spend so many
hours
Use synonyms
 sitting down playing with
electrical
Correct word choice
electronic
show examples
devices
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 possible solution is to set
Correct article usage
a limit
show examples
limit
Correct word order
time limit
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to use
cellphones
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need to start doing
any
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 physical activity daily. A huge portion of
children
Use synonyms
 are suffering from
obesity
Use synonyms
 because they remain sitting down for so many
hours
Use synonyms
 playing with
cellphones
Use synonyms
 or
electrical
Correct word choice
electronic
show examples
devices
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
childre
Correct your spelling
children
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 seven to eight
hours
Use synonyms
 sitting
dowm
Correct your spelling
down
 playing video games
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they do not move much during the day.
Also
Linking Words
, many of them eat
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the Television without
notice
Replace the word
noticing
show examples
 the sensation of fullness
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they keep eating, so combining these two bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
, it is easy to gain weight.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 United
States
Add a comma
States,
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 20 per cent of the
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from
obesity
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 because it is
totally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
easy for them to have
cellphones
Use synonyms
 since they
reach
Verb problem
are
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 year old.
One
Use synonyms
 possible solution to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue is that parents need to set
Correct article usage
a limit
show examples
limit
Correct word order
time limit
show examples
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 electrical
devices
Use synonyms
 like forty minutes per day, so
children
Use synonyms
 will have spare
time
Use synonyms
 to move around or use their imagination to look for it. On top of
this
Linking Words
, kids need to be informed
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 importance of doing any type of physical activity so they can have a better idea
why
Change preposition
of why
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 vital for them to exercise daily. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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, playing football soccer is a great way to keep fit because they need to warm up for an hour and
then
Linking Words
 compete with other kids.
To conclude
Linking Words
, nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 are suffering from
obesity
Use synonyms
 that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their health, and I believe
one
Use synonyms
 reason
this
Linking Words
 is happening is that kids
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 so many
hours
Use synonyms
 sitting down
playign
Correct your spelling
playing
 with
cellphones
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 possible solution is to set
Correct article usage
a limit
show examples
limit
Correct word order
time limit
show examples
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 electrical
devices
Use synonyms
 and start doing physical activities for about forty minutes daily.

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overall
Plan your essay first. Use 2 or 3 main points for how it happens and 2 or 3 for how to fix it. This keeps ideas in a good order.
language
Fix easy spelling and grammar. Check words like 'childre' and 'dowm'. Simple mistakes slow the reader.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words: first, then, also, but, for example. This helps the flow.
facts
Give a real fact or example, but be careful with numbers. If you use a fact, say where it comes from, or use a general statement.
content
You pick a clear topic and try to give both causes and a fix.
language
You use easy words that are easy to read and understand.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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