IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that industrial growth is necessary for economic development, while others argue that it causes serious environmental problems such as air pollution. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of industrial growth

Industrial development plays a crucial role in the economic progress of many countries.
However
Linking Words
, it is often associated with serious environmental issues, particularly
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.
While
Linking Words
 industrial
growth
Use synonyms
 brings certain benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 creates significant drawbacks. On the one hand, industrial expansion contributes greatly to economic development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it creates job opportunities for millions of people, which helps reduce unemployment and improve living standards.
Secondly
Linking Words
, industries increase national income through
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 and export of goods.
For example
Linking Words
, countries
such
Linking Words
 as China have experienced rapid economic
growth
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 industrialisation.
As a result
Linking Words
, many citizens have gained access to better education, healthcare and infrastructure.
Therefore
Linking Words
, industrial
growth
Use synonyms
 can significantly improve a country’s economy and
overall
Linking Words
 quality of life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the negative consequences of industrialisation cannot be ignored. Factories release harmful gases and toxic substances into the atmosphere
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 lead to severe
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.
This
Linking Words
 can cause respiratory diseases and other health problems among the population. In highly industrialised cities like Beijing,
air
Use synonyms
 quality has become a serious concern
due to
Linking Words
 emissions from factories and vehicles.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, industrial activities contribute to climate change by increasing greenhouse gas emissions. In the long term, environmental damage may outweigh the economic benefits. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 industrial
growth
Use synonyms
 brings economic prosperity and employment opportunities, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to environmental degradation and health risks. Governments should
therefore
Linking Words
 find a balance between economic development and environmental protection.
here
Fix capitalization
Here
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 leads to severe
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Fix the last sentence fragment so the end is clean.
task response
State a clear view at the end and stay balanced.
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
vocabulary
Keep words simple and avoid long phrase lists.
content
Add one clear example for each side to strengthen points.
structure
Clear balance and use of on the one hand / on the other hand.
content
Intro and conclusion present.
content
Some good real examples like China and Beijing.
coherence
Argees with basic links to show flow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: