IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask foror allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children?Whatcould be consequences for these children when they grow up?

Nowadays, an increasing number of
parents
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 pay attention to how to cultivate their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. Some of them will agree
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
 the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 from their child and allow them to do everything that they want. In my mind, it is bad for the development of a child.
Pamper
Replace the word
Pampering
 can cause a
lot
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 of problems after a few years. First of all, these
children
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 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 doting will propose a
lot
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 of unreasonable
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
. If the
parents
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 meet all requirements because of
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 love,
children
Use synonyms
 will get more things that they have not owned. After they get
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unreasonable requirement, they definitely will propose more requests in order to satisfy their ambition. The stress of the
parents
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 will increase a
lot
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by the
Change preposition
with
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 more requests.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of the
pamper
Replace the word
pampering
,
children
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 will get addicted to a
lot
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 of bad habits. When the
parents
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 do not focus on the education of the
children
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 when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 very young, the
children
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definitely will
Correct word order
will definitely
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 face some temptation.
Children
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 do not have the
strong
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ability to control themselves. They will get addicted to some vicious practices
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will influence their future lives. The bad habits and the unreasonable requests will cause a
lot
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 of problems
I
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future. First of all, they want a
lot
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 of things that they cannot get by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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legal
methods
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means
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 because of the money and so on. They may commit
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
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such
Linking Words
 as theft.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the bad habit and extreme freedom will cause serious
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
 too. These
children
Use synonyms
 will refuse to go to school. At the same time, they will ignore the laws because their
parents
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 never told them about these laws. In conclusion, the
pamper
Replace the word
pampering
 is bad for the development of the
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
parents
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 ought to control their
children
Use synonyms
 suitably.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say clearly why this is bad for children and what may happen when they are adults.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear main ideas in each body part. One paragraph can focus on effects in childhood, and one can focus on adult life.
task response
Give one or two simple real examples, not only general ideas like crime or bad habits.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, next, as a result, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated. Try to explain each point once, then add a short reason or example.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You present more than one problem that can come from giving children everything.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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