IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's live. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Time is a spin with every spin we
encountered
Wrong verb form
encounter
show examples
 the different phases of
life
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
show examples
 it is indeed true
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
 experience immense happiness during our adolescence,
whereas
Linking Words
 adulthood knocks
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 door with greater responsibilities and stress. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both prospects and conclude my opinion
at the end
Linking Words
. It is a
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 fact, we did not
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 the great challenges during that
period
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 passes on with full of fun and new learnings.
That is
Linking Words
 the prime
period
Use synonyms
 where we get introduced to new skills,
while
Linking Words
 learning new
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
 we make new friends that
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
 for
life
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if we depict the
life
Use synonyms
 of
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
, very unlikely that
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
 is chasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deadlines. But I must believe sometimes they would need to compromise the freedom because
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 decisions were
rely
Verb problem
based
show examples
 on the discretion of parents. Even though that
period
Use synonyms
 is full of laughter.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phase is considered to be the happiest
period
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, adulthood welcomes
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 with responsibilities. Individuals experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiousness and stress for the
life
Use synonyms
long
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, with every passing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
moment
Punctuation problem
moment,
show examples
 they are just running towards
to satisfy
Wrong verb form
satisfying
show examples
 the appetite of
desires
Correct pronoun usage
their desires
show examples
. Some studies suggested that people become more materialistic,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 where the teenager values
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
; on
show examples
 the
contrary
Punctuation problem
contrary,
show examples
 it is widely known
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 adults
are celebrating
Wrong verb form
celebrate
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 birthdays on weekends. Adult values
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career
instead
Linking Words
 of joy,
therefore
Linking Words
 more job comes with more burden on someone's
life
Use synonyms
. At
last
Linking Words
, I want to state that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we must value every moment of
life
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
chasing
Change preposition
of chasing
show examples
 the money, we should design the workplace in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 care of personal
life
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 we must reward someone who
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 making the decision to keep themselves happy.

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tip
Plan your essay before you write. State your view in the intro, then give two clear ideas in the body, and finish with a short conclusion.
tip
Make each idea in its own paragraph. Start with a topic sentence. Use one idea per paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Correct errors like 'did not experienced' to 'did not experience', and 'they decisions were rely' to 'their decisions relied'.
lexical
Use simple but precise words. Avoid long or odd phrases. Use examples that are easy to see.
cohesion
Link sentences with clear connectors. Words like 'however', 'in addition', 'for example' help the flow.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and gives a personal view.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which shows a plan.
cohesion
There are some good use of contrast phrase 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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