IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, whether
people
Use synonyms
 choose
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
 training
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
a presonal
show examples
presonal
Correct your spelling
personal
 coach, or to join a group exercise course has been a widely debated issue. I strongly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private training is far more beneficial, as it brings flexibility and carries
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-term economic advantages. One major reason for choosing the private courses is that they can provide flexible services. Nowadays, gyms are ubiquitous,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 can do exercise whenever they want to. The training classes are not
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
, but popular for someones who have no idea of how to start working out; To be more specific, the personal trainer can design your own
fitness
Use synonyms
 plan,
such
Linking Words
 as the excepted goal or
prefered sechdule
Correct your spelling
preferred schedule
. All in all, the
customized
Change the spelling
customised
show examples
 training is not only friendly for
beginner
Fix the agreement mistake
beginners
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for general
amertur
Correct your spelling
amateur
 athletes. Another strong argument for being guided by
fitness
Use synonyms
 instructors is the economic value. Sport is one of the largest industries in modern society. These days, maintaining
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 has become the most important objective, because everyone knows that even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money cannot buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as
fitness
Use synonyms
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
 or swimming
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
 are needed more than before.
In addition
Linking Words
, any occupation which is related to exercise will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
, as the number of exercising will definitely increase in future. In conclusion, as long as
people
Use synonyms
 maintain a great habit of exercising, there is no argument between hiring
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 trainer and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 sports by ourselves.
However
Linking Words
, I personally agree that
customized
Change the spelling
customised
show examples
 training is more beneficial for everyone, as it helps
people
Use synonyms
 reach
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 faster and accurately.

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structure
State your view in the intro and keep it in mind through the essay.
language
Fix spelling and grammar; use simple, common words only.
structure
Make short sentences and clear up long ones with full stops.
content
Add concrete examples to back the ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas smoothly.
structure
You show your view early in the essay.
structure
You signal the end with a clear conclusion.
content
The idea of flexible choice and money in sport is good.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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