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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows percentage of students giving good ratings for different aspects of a university in China in 2000, 2005, 2010.

Quantity
Correct article usage
The quantity
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 of individuals shows satisfied grades for alternative points of a
collage
Use the right word
college
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 for a
decade
Correct article usage
A decade
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 period of
time
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 for
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 main
categories
Punctuation problem
categories,
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 namely Technical Quality, Print
Resources
Use synonyms
 and Electronic
Resources
Use synonyms
 are increased in
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 period of
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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while
Linking Words
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 for
Range
Correct article usage
the Range
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 of modules offered decreased
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the other hand
Building
Punctuation problem
, Building
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 and Teaching Facilities remained unchanged during
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
.One of the most striking
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
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 was observed with
Correct article usage
a sharply
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sharply
Replace the word
sharp
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 increase for Electronic
Resources
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 started out 45% in the preliminary stage and climbed to 72% in 2005
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 indicator reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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88% in the ultimate
time
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 Technical Quality and Print
Resources
Use synonyms
 outnumbered 65% and 87% in 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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pointer
Correct article usage
the pointer
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 of Technical Quality declined to 63% in 2005 before rising to 69% in 2010,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 sign witnessed with slight
went up
Verb problem
increase
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 to 89% in 2005 for Print
Resources
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
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 reduced to 88%
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
time
Use synonyms
. Looking at the table for more details rate of Range of Modules
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experienced 32% in the initial period and dropped 5%
in
Change preposition
by
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 the end of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 Building and teaching Facilities remained unchanged during
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, resources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • student satisfaction
  • university experience
  • surveys
  • facilities
  • policies
  • cultural factors
  • economic factors
  • expectations
  • perceptions
  • reputation
  • improvement
  • significant increase/decrease
  • influenced
  • aspects
  • ratings
  • trends
  • comparison
  • speculation
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