IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that starting school at an earlier age is very beneficial for children,while others believe that children must stay home and attend to school at the age of 7. In your opinion, what are the advantages of attending school before the age of 7

Quite a number of people have
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 belief that sending
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
small
Correct word choice
young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is good for them where
as
Change preposition
whereas
show examples
 others
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that babies stay home
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 7 years. The question that
arisses
Correct your spelling
arises
 here is -
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of attending
schools
Use synonyms
 before seven. I will discuss my opinion in the forthcoming paragraph with relevant
illustraions
Correct your spelling
illustrations
. The most conspicuous
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 of
staring
Use the right word
starting
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is
Correct word choice
that childrens
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 will become more familiar with the pattern of studies. To
Correct subject-verb agreement
explain
show examples
explains
Punctuation problem
explains,
show examples
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who join
school
Use synonyms
late
Punctuation problem
late,
show examples
 they find
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in understanding the subjects
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 in case they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 want to go to
school
Use synonyms
 either as they find home
as
Verb problem
to be as
show examples
 their comfortable place. USC conducted the study that
students
Use synonyms
 who join
school
Use synonyms
 before 7 years
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become more intelligent as compared to ones who join after seven, for an instance.
Respectively
Punctuation problem
Respectively,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who join
school
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 become more friendly with
school
Use synonyms
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, there are
parents
Use synonyms
 who
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have time to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 as both
parents
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 working. So i that scenario,
parents
Use synonyms
 start sending their
children
Use synonyms
 to day care or playways. As till they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 in their office,
children
Use synonyms
 will play or learn in
schools
Use synonyms
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, in foreign
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 80% of
parents
Use synonyms
 start sending their
children
Use synonyms
 to
schools
Use synonyms
 so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
manager
Replace the word
manage
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 office schedule.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 sending kids to
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 at
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for working
parents
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion
sending
Punctuation problem
, sending
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is not only
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
students
Use synonyms
 as they become intelligent, but
also
Linking Words
 for
parents
Use synonyms
 as it will help them to
manager
Replace the word
manage
show examples
 their office work.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan a clear answer with one main idea in each paragraph and a short intro and a final conclusion.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence to begin each paragraph so the reader can see the plan.
grammar
Keep grammar simple and fix common errors like spelling, word form, and punctuation.
content
Give real and simple examples that match the point you make and avoid many ideas that are not linked.
style
Use short, straight sentences to avoid long and hard to read phrases.
content
The essay tries to answer the task and show some link to the topic.
content
The writer uses some real examples and numbers to back a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: