IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This
Linking Words
 line graph describes the
unemployment
Use synonyms
state
Check wording
rate
show examples
 in Australia
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural and urban
areas
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view, the two lines are quite opposite
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
not-employed
Use the right word
unemployed
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 people is higher in rural
areas
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
throughout
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the year. Particularly, until the first
trimester
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate gradually decreases from almost 6.5% to 3.5% in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Oppositely, during the same period,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of employed people increases from almost 2.1% to 4%
among
Change preposition
in
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 urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, during the third and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fourth quarters of the
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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years
Add a comma
years,
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 there are some fluctuations in both lines. In rural
areas
Use synonyms
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate increases during the third
trimester
Use synonyms
, followed by another lower peak during the fourth one.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in urban
areas
Use synonyms
unemployment
Use synonyms
 decreases
until
Change preposition
to
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 2% during the third
trimester
Use synonyms
, when there is the
minumim
Correct your spelling
minimum
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Thereafter
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 line shows a growing trend with some fluctuations.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 can be concluded that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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percentage
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is observed during the first
trimester
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and in the
fourt
Correct your spelling
fourth
trimester
Use synonyms
 in urban
ones
Check wording
areas
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thereafter".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, areas, percentage, trimester with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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