IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many zoos around the world now. Some people think zoos are cruel and should be banned. What is your opinion?

Some individuals believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel and should be banned;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that there are several advantages that
zoos
Use synonyms
 provide to both the wildlife and the nation. The ideology that
zoos
Use synonyms
 imprison
animals
Use synonyms
 and separate them from their natural habitat is what leads them to believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel and should be banned. The population of human beings is growing rapidly, and to facilitate their living, a significant amount of trees are destroyed to clear land so that houses can be built over that cleared land.
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation leads to the destruction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural habitats.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 provide
animals
Use synonyms
 a shelter, food and proper daily care and prevent these
animals
Use synonyms
 from becoming extinct.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is a specialised staff that monitors the health of these
animals
Use synonyms
 and provides proper medication depending on their situation. These
zoos
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 serve as tourist attractions where individuals from all around the world visit to see
animals
Use synonyms
 of different varieties.
This
Linking Words
 , in turn, helps to boost the GDP of the nation by generating an income flow.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 even create employment opportunities for the locals. In conclusion, I believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are important and should not be banned because they save
animals
Use synonyms
 from becoming extinct
while
Linking Words
 providing employment opportunities for the locals. They generate tourism as people from all over the world visit these places to see a variety of
animals
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 , in turn, boosts the GDP of the country.

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structure
Plan your answer. Start with your view, then two or three ideas, and end with a short wrap up.
coherence
Use link words like first, next, also, but, so to join ideas.
content
Give more real examples or facts to back ideas, such as how zoos help animals or how people visit them, to show proof.
grammar
Check small grammar errors and use simple, clear sentences. Some long sentences feel heavy.
lexical
Mix short and long sentences, but keep easy words. This helps flow.
structure
The writer takes a clear view and repeats it in the intro and conclusion.
content
The essay has several clear ideas that relate to the main topic.
content
The idea of why zoos can help both people and animals is shown.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • zoo
  • zoos
  • animal
  • animals
  • care
  • welfare
  • cruel
  • cruelty
  • ban
  • banned
  • rules
  • laws
  • education
  • people
  • public
  • staff
  • work
  • money
  • time
  • life
  • safe
  • space
  • big
  • small
  • wild
  • nature
  • protect
  • future
  • good
  • bad
  • better
  • worse
  • need
  • option
  • choices
  • there
  • their
  • they
  • you
  • we
  • this
  • that
  • how
  • why
  • when
  • where
  • which
  • who
  • can
  • could
  • should
  • must
  • not
  • no
  • yes
  • do
  • is
  • are
  • was
  • were
  • will
  • would
  • have
  • has
  • had
  • make
  • take
  • care
  • treat
  • free
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