IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples.

Deciding to leave their
parents
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'
home
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 once young
people
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 finish school is a
phenomenon
Check wording
topic
show examples
 of considerable debate
topic
Check wording
apply
show examples
. I strongly believe that living on their own or
Use synonyms
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 a
home
Use synonyms
 with
friends
Use synonyms
 is a positive development, as they will become more independent and can bring a good long-term
growth
Use synonyms
 for
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 foundation. One major reason to leave
parents
Use synonyms
'
home
Use synonyms
 and start to stay on their self or
share
Use synonyms
 a
home
Use synonyms
 with
friends
Use synonyms
 is
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 can manage their schedules, decide what they are facing, solve complex problems, and build strong
decision
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decision-making
show examples
 making cause they can no longer rely on their
parents
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. They need to be more independent by doing activities, various social matters and interactions between communities individually.
For example
Linking Words
, if they continue studies at university in
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 location and far from
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents's
show examples
parents's
Check wording
parents'
show examples
home
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based
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, they need to resolve and face their own. It will make them create survival mode and enhance their
capabilites
Correct your spelling
capabilities
 to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 strange and unprecedented situations. The complexity of problems that they have to
involved
Verb problem
be involved
show examples
 in
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can build a strong mentality and independent personality without having to depend on the help of others, especially their
parents
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. Another strong argument for living individually is the personal long-term
growth
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 for
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health
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 foundation. Mental
health
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 can be measured by how
people
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 can
emotionally
Verb problem
remain emotionally
show examples
 stable in a period of time, social well-being and psychological
mature
Replace the word
maturity
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. Young
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good mental
health
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 can enable them to manage their stress and
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 their abilities to learn and work
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their environment and communities. To rehearse and improve their mental
health
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, it can be
builded
Correct your spelling
built
 and rehearsed by facing
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 that push them to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn practically in
real
Correct article usage
the real
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 world, which cannot only follow their
parents
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' instructions.
For example
Linking Words
, if we compare young
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by their own or
share
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 with
friends
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 and with their
parents
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, it
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that they can solve their problems more independently and have
Correct article usage
the capabilites
show examples
capabilites
Correct your spelling
capabilities
 to be more productive, so that they can build their personal branding and make
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 impact on their
self
Use the right word
self-growth
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growth
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 in the
long-term
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long term
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
parents
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' roles
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still an important aspect
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need to fully support and monitor periodically to their children
.
Rephrase
periodically.
show examples
 Young
people
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 need to continuously be evaluated and monitored so that they can
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track. In conclusion, young
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 on their own or
share
Use synonyms
 a
home
Use synonyms
 with
friends
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a positive developments because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can make a greater impact on their personal
growth
Use synonyms
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 will be more independent and have a good long-term
growth
Use synonyms
 for
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 foundation.
While
Linking Words
 it still needs to be fully supported by their parent, with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close monitored and
evaluated
Replace the word
evaluation
show examples
 frequently.

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task
Answer the task with a clear yes or no in the intro.
coherence
Put each idea in its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple links like and, also, but to show flow between ideas.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences and check grammar, especially subject and verb form.
task
The writer shows a clear view that living away from home can be good for growth.
content
There are big ideas about independence and mental health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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