IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today some people have to work away from their families. What are the advantages and disadvantages? What is your opinion

With the rapid growth of
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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, some individuals choose
working
Wrong verb form
to work
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 apart from their hometown,
while
Linking Words
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 employees believe finding local work is more beneficial. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both viewpoints before explaining why I consider the former opinion
is
Wrong verb form
to be
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 better. One advantage of working away from their families is that people can become more independent and mature, because they have to do everything by themselves
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as cooking, shopping and commuting.
For example
Linking Words
, a famous entrepreneur,
Jemes
Correct your spelling
James
, went abroad and looked for a job when he was young. In his
autobiography
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autobiography,
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 he said that he learned how to be a successful manager at that time
due to
Linking Words
 the necessity of scheduling trivial things in daily life.
As a result
Linking Words
, the people working away from home tend to be considered more independent than others.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the hometown employees usually save more. The reason is that they don’t need to pay for ordinary costs like rent or meals.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Taiwan, a large number of youngsters
use
Verb problem
spend
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 almost half their salary
in
Change preposition
on
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 rent fees. Compared with them, local workers can save
over
Change preposition
apply
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twice as much
owing
Punctuation problem
, owing
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 to their parents preparing everything they need. To
summarize
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summarise
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, both perspectives are reasonable. The former view believes that working apart from home can promote maturity,
while
Linking Words
 the latter opinion argues that living with parents can diminish daily costs. I believe that the former is more beneficial for people because the parents might not always be around, so
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 away from families is inevitable.

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grammar
Check grammar and word form; fix mistakes like 'employees' and 'Jemes' and make verbs agree with subjects.
coherence
Make ideas clear and shown in a better order. Use simple link words to guide the reader.
development
Add more strong and true examples, and explain why they prove your point.
lexical
Use easy and correct words. Stay with common words from the top 100.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
coherence
It uses linking words to move from one idea to the next.
content
Two main ideas are shown: independence and saving money.
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