IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should spend more time learning practical skills, such as cooking, money management, or basic first aid, instead of focusing only on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (Give examples from your personal experience or knowledge)

It is debated
wheather
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whether
 youngsters should
prioritize
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prioritise
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 learning practical
skills
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such
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 as cooking, financial management and first aid or
academic
Correct word choice
if academic
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 performance is more essential. From the personal perspective , I believe that both are equally important for
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 development as all
them
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of them
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 can help one
on maintaining
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maintain
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 successful
life
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. On the one hand ,each
person
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 should be able to manage their finances , provide medical aid ,
being
Wrong verb form
and be
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 able to cook or use maps in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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. As these things are required in everyday
life
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, people who are capable of doing them are
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 general
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,
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considered more mature and independent .
Moreover
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, that helps them to
live
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apply
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maintain
comfortable
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a comfortable
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 lifestyle.
Therefore
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, it is highly important for
children
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 to learn these
skills
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.
On the other hand
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, studying at school is
also
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 required for the
further
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life
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 of
child
Correct article usage
a child
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 as
schools
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 help
children
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 to learn the basic
skills
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such
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 as counting, reading, solving problems and learning languages. Without these
skills
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 , the
life
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 of
person
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 can be practically impossible and difficult as they are needed everywhere.
Thus
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,
schools
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 have to provide lessons on both
type
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types
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 of
skills
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 because all of them are equally important for a
person
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. I argue that individuals , especially those who study at junior and elementary
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schools
Punctuation problem
schools,
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 have to learn all
mentioned above
Replace the word
the above-mentioned
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 for their personal development.
While
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schools
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 have to provide some subjects
directed
Verb problem
designed
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of teaching
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to teach
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children
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic
life
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skills
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, parents should encourage their
children
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 to pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 their academic results. In conclusion ,
while
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 it is necessary to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical
skills
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 , people should not stop considering the importance of academic performance.
Due to
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 better learning capacities of
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person
Correct article usage
a person
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 at
younger
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a younger
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 age , it could be helpful to develop both at the same time.

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task response
Have a clear view in the first line and keep this view in the whole essay.
content
Give real life or known examples to back your point.
grammar
Fix grammar and use short, clear sentences.
coherence
Link ideas well with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'so', 'therefore'.
idea
You show that both life skills and school work have value.
structure
The essay uses some connect words to show two sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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