As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown before 9pm. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays,
High
Correct article usage
a High
show examples
level of obesity can
seen
Verb problem
be seen
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in kids
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
is a major
concer
Correct your spelling
concern
for parents
as well as
Linking Words
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. Many individuals believe that the reason behind
this
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trend is TV
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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to prevent
this
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authorities
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, authorities
show examples
should put limitations on timing and should not be shown before 9pm. I
am
Verb problem
apply
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totally agree with
this
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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in
this
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essay I will discuss why it is important.
Firstly
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,
Childrens
Correct your spelling
children
are our upcoming generation
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
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our
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to give them a healthy and wealthy
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
.
This
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can be possible if people understand the value of
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
Use synonyms
choices
such
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as
fuits
Correct your spelling
fruits
and vegetables.Mostly child follow their
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
habbit
Correct your spelling
habits
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
their responsibility to make a healthy choice.
For instance
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,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
you give your child
boiled
Correct article usage
a boiled
show examples
veggie
Check wording
vegetable
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or a
protien rich
Correct your spelling
protein-rich
breakfast when they reach
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
they are not hungry
Show
Punctuation problem
. Show
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and eventually they
avoide
Correct your spelling
avoid
buying any junk
food
Use synonyms
from
Correct article usage
the cantein
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cantein
Correct your spelling
canteen
.
Secondly
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,
Tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
add
Use the right word
ads
show examples
can play a crucial role
behind
Change preposition
in
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the unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
choices among children. Mainly because most of the
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
as Burger
king
Fix capitalization
King
show examples
KFC
Correct word choice
and KFC
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they made
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
attractive burger
add
Use the right word
ad
show examples
which looks
testy
Use the right word
tasty
show examples
and end of the day
Punctuation problem
, teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
prefer to buy it. To
illustarte
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
ready made
Use the right word
ready-made
show examples
food
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
cheaper
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, Obesity can lead to major
health realted
Correct your spelling
health-related
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
like cardiac arrest, digestive
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. In China, recent data
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
cardiac most commonly seen in
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
due to
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over consume
Replace the word
overconsumption
show examples
of street
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
limitions
Correct your spelling
limitations
on
advertise
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
timing
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
beneficial for kids
also
Linking Words
society.
Although
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it is true that parents are
also
Linking Words
responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
health.
Therefore
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, I strongly support the idea of
implemented
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
a ban on pre-9 pm TV advertising and all paid online ads for "less healthy"
.
Check wording
products.
show examples

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task response
Say your view clearly in the first line and keep it to the end. Give 2-3 good reasons and a short example for each.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use words like First, Next, Also, Finally. Make one idea per paragraph and end with a short restatement.
language
Fix typing and wrong spell. Use easy words. Shorter sentences help a lot.
content
Add strong examples and explain how they show your idea. Avoid general or unclear claims.
idea
Clear view on the topic.
structure
Simple plan with 'First' and 'Second' in the middle.
content
Some use of example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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