IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 think
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
for
Verb problem
are for
show examples
fun
Use synonyms
 or even helpful for learning,
while
Linking Words
 others support
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 view that they are harmful. I'm willing to discuss the opposing point of view.In my opinion,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are beneficial when
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not encourage
to fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 or other negative influences. On the one hand,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can be harmless
fun
Use synonyms
 or even as
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 educational tool
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In the first place, they help players to relax after school or
course
Correct article usage
a course
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who improved their problem-solving skills and quick thinking
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 teamwork skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 may be profitable to learn more with interest by educational
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Duolingo,Word Search and Hangman. As a final point, they can make
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
 by playing
games
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they
won
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, collect coins or something like
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 they can buy their account. Notably,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, there are competitions between players to express their ability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have
and
Use the right word
an
show examples
 adverse
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on the
people
Use synonyms
 who play with them.First of all, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 get addicted and spend hours with them
instead
Linking Words
 of studying or working
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads
people
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
 lazy. As I mentioned before, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who generate income as
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 spend time on
games
Use synonyms
 for
fun
Use synonyms
 or as
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of poor or
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 health problems
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
with especially
Correct word order
especially with
show examples
eyes
Correct pronoun usage
their eyes
show examples
. In conclusion,
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
really contributes to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
fun
Use synonyms
 or even
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to increase appeal to study by noticeably apps
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 everybody do not
Check wording
everybody use
show examples
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
them correctly
show examples
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
like
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they spend hours on
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 affects their health
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 there are more
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: You give some idea of both sides but the main view is not clear. Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and say it again at the end. Build each point with a simple reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear paragraphs with one idea in each. Use linking words like and, but, also, for example, first, next. Make shorter sentences and keep a simple line of thought.
content
Some ideas are there about both sides of the topic.
structure
There are examples to show the ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global communication
  • economic opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • endangered
  • linguistic heritage
  • inclusive
  • multilingualism
  • language revitalization
  • language policy
  • language preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: